I don’t know where to start. About a week ago I had a realization that I have been straying from reality for a long time. These “Episodes” have been happening more frequently and they’re getting worse.
About a year ago I spent two-three months thinking people were watching me. I thought that two guys (to be exact) could open this portal and see me while I changed and when I was bathing. It freaked me out. I turned to self harm, and they watched me do it. It sounds crazy, it really does.
I spent a few months before that thinking that my “mind” was in fact three people. Three people that would switch around and use my body. I remember thinking “okay so this one uses the body on Tuesday cause she’s the smart one and this one is Monday cause she’s good at sports.”
A few months ago I spent a whole night awake because I thought people were in my room. I’d turn my eyes and I’d see a dark shape. It doesn’t only happen during the night, sometimes in the corner of my eyes I’ll see dark shapes. I’ve read that they might be ghosts. It scares me to think that I actually believe in it.
Two nights ago I was talking to myself about how I thought this certain guy was cute. I got so caught up with it that the “voice” inside of my head that is usually mine became him. It freaked me out, his voice wouldn’t leave. I actually believed he was in my head, I told him to say a “safe” word to me at school so I would know if this was real or not. It wasn’t real of course.
I think the biggest one of all was when I realized that all the times I thought my parents were the worst, (typical teenage rebellious stereo-type I know) that I thought they would never let me do anything. It was me. My parents don’t mind me going to parties, I was the one convincing myself that they wouldn’t let me go. They don’t mind drinking, I convinced myself that they did.
As I am running out of words to explain everything, I’m reaching out for help. I don’t know what’s going on. I don’t trust the psychologist at school as she screwed me over once. Please help me.
It’s unclear what might be wrong. It’s unusual to have the thoughts you have described but your symptoms don’t necessarily suggest any one mental illness.
I’m most curious about your sleeping patterns. Sleep deprivation could be contributing to your symptoms. In fact, some studies suggest that 24 hours of sleep deprivation could cause schizophrenia-like symptoms among otherwise healthy people.
It’s important that you speak to your parents about these issues. You should not keep this information from them. They need to know what’s wrong so they can help. You should tell them what you wrote in this letter and ask them to take you to see a mental health professional. A mental health professional will gather information about this problem, determine what might be wrong and design a treatment to correct your symptoms. Please take care.
Dr. Kristina Randle