So basically, I’ve been having some mild Homicidal thoughts for most of my Life and this started about when I was around 5 or 6. At first I didn’t mind it too much and I thought they were like Daymares, like Daydreams but they turn Terrifying. I imagine people getting murdered, mishaps, accidents, and I can’t stop it. Like, I walk passed one of my Friends and I may see a faint outline of a Pole sticking out of the back of their Head. I know it’s not really there, but I can’t help but think about “What if?”. I also get Nightmares about me trying to strangle my Friends. I can’t really control my Dreams and Nightmares, they just come randomly. I know I won’t ever do it, it’s just the back of my Head making me think those things. I can control myself, I know I can. But, when I start to think about normal things like “Did I eat Today?” Or “Maybe I should take a Bath”, my thoughts turn on me and I end up thinking of Forks getting Jabbed through the pallet and into the Skull and Drowning in the Tub. I think I need Help, but I don’t wanna tell my Parents because they would probably sign me up for Confinement. I can tell everybody else about these things, just NEVER my Parents. My Boyfriend is also very concerned and he wants to Help me in every way he can. I think he also wants to be there for me if I can get Therapy Sessions with someone.
It must feel terrible to have these intrusive and unwanted thoughts. I recommend you make an appointment with your physician. He or she can help you get to a therapist who can help figure out the source of these intrusions and ways to deal with them. Your parents are much more likely to get you help for the nightmares if they think a physician can help. I’d do this sooner rather than later so you can find out what the cause is and correct it.
Wishing you patience and peace,