For the last few months, specifically starting on November, I’ve been feeling very depressed and confused. Something happened in November that made me feel worthless and horrible. I lost interest in everything, and lost motivation in life as well. So, that depressive state stayed for a week or two and then my mind started getting all muddled and crazy.
I don’t know if this is normal, but for a few days, I’m happy and actually feeling fine (even though I know I have these weird and disturbing thoughts at night or at the back of my head) but then suddenly at one point (mostly at night) I get depressed and I feel like my mind is split into two opposing sides and I don’t know which side is right. One part of me says, “Maybe there is something wrong with me and maybe I do need to get help” but another part of me says, “No, those thoughts are all in your head… You just think/want to have a mental illness or problem… You want attention…etc.” So, I go crazy thinking about these and I have a mini-breakdown and I feel like punching something.
Also, another huge part of me thinks that I want to be depressed or have some kind of issue… (I don’t know why) and if I do talk to someone about this “thing” (situation?), I’m just going to make a fool out of myself and that someone will say that this is normal and you’re just overthinking everything,
Another thing is, since I experience these changes in mood when I’m by myself, I feel like these mood changes and ideas of having a mental illness are all in my head and since no one else can see me feeling depressed, I don’t have depression…
That’s the jist of what’s going on in my head (there are other thoughts that I have but it’s hard to explain or go into). So I just really want to know, if this is normal (I keep thinking it’s maybe PMS or just puberty…and I’m just making a mental illness the scapegoat) or I should talk to someone about it. I hope what I wrote makes sense… Feel like they’re all over the place.
I’m so sorry you’ve been distressed for so many months. You didn’t share with me what happened in November. Apparently it was serious enough that you had some strong negative feelings about yourself as a result. From what you’ve written, I think you haven’t gotten over whatever it was and you are perhaps suffering from an adjustment disorder as a result.
Mental illness isn’t the only reason people see a mental health counselor. Sometimes people need an objective sounding board. Sometimes they need some coaching for how to cope with a difficult situation. Sometimes they need an evaluation to find out if something is wrong.
I suggest you go see a counselor who can hear your whole story and who can offer you some insights about how to recover. There is no need for you to continue to question yourself and feel so emotionally upset.
I wish you well.