I am 22. My partner is 38. His daughter is 16. I have witnessed some ghastly behavior from his daughter. She has always hated me and has always tried to get rid of me, but now she’s going too far. She is OBSESSED with her father – my partner of nearly 6 years. She will find his dirtiest, smelliest shirt/jacket, bury her head in it, take a big smell, then she’ll just smile up at the ceiling. She constantly brags to her father about her ‘sexual exploits’. Talking about how she ‘has no gag reflex’ and ‘likes the feeling and taste of…’ well, I think you can guess where that quote is going. She constantly asks him about our sex life and tells him things I can do to “make him feel nicer” She is trying to replace me, and I don’t know how to deal with this. I have various mental problems and am too weak to deal with this in a rational manner. I can’t do this. I’m begging you, please help. (From Australia)
This must be very difficult for you to manage, and i do think something has to be done to make a shift in the dynamics. It is doubtful this will get any better on its own. This boundary issue is one that your partner has to take the lead in, and then the two of you must have a very unified approach in dealing with her. As you are closer in age to her than to your partner, she may see you more as a sibling rival than your partner’s partner.
Have a talk with your partner about the issue, and the two of you craft a plan for dealing with her. But he has to take the lead and set the boundaries. Otherwise, it will be you against her and that isn’t likely to work.
Wishing you patience and peace,