Yesterday I was in a really bad place. I have been struggling with suicidal ideation and self-harming for weeks. My therapist made the comment she was worried about me and that made me panic. I told her I wanted to see someone else because I didn’t want her to worry about me, in an email. I said it without thinking through. She said she respected my decision and she deleted all my upcoming appointments. Today I feel so much worse. I thought we would talk about it then have at least one more session for closure or something. Now I don’t know what to do.
Call or write her another email expressing your regret. Tell her that you would like another appointment with her. Once you explain yourself, she may understand and resume treatment with you. Hopefully, she will be open to seeing you again.
If she is unwilling, it would be advisable to find another therapist. The concern is your suicidal ideation and self-harm. When someone is considering suicide and/or engaging in purposefully harming themselves, it is evident that they are experiencing severe emotional distress. It’s always a sign that help is needed.
The more help you receive, the better, even if it’s not from your original therapist. There are many therapists who can help you. During times of deep distress, the key is not isolating and being open to treatment. One must do what is necessary to protect themselves. If you feel that you cannot keep yourself safe, please contact emergency services who can protect you and ensure that you receive the appropriate treatment. Please take care and stay safe.
Dr. Kristina Randle