Hello, my name is Jane and I’m from Germany, I have already been in therapy for depression because I used to want to kill myself. Well, now I just want to kill people around me. I get really excited when I think about getting a gun and just killing people. I’m not interested in killing one person at a time in a slow and painful way but more in school shooting. Sometimes I just want to slit people’s neck or just stab them all over and dispose of the body as soon as possible. I actually do have friends now and I like them and I’m glad I do, but when I was a child I used to have none at all and I had a very bad relationship with my parents, I never felt like they actually loved me, now it’s different but I stil can’t get the pictures out of my head. I really just want to KILL for the pleasure but I can stop myself, my thoughts belong to myself and I want to pretend it’s alright and have others believe that and maybe these thoughts will go away.. Well, I just feel like everybody always leaves me and nobody truly loves me for who I am and I’m so sorry I’m such a f-up, I wish I was normal but I just.. am not.
Hello, Jane. I’m concerned about your letter. You began experiencing severe depression that led you to want to end your life. You’ve now become fixated on the idea of killing others. The desire to want to kill or harm others is very unusual. It’s a sign of someone who is unwell, truly suffering and in need of intervention. Sometimes when people are suffering and perceive that they are being ignored, it angers them. They may want to seek revenge or punish the people who they think should be helping them.
You must understand that killing is wrong. It certainly will not solve your problems. Killing involves the destruction of human life. Every religion considers murder a sin. It would ruin the lives of many people. You would also very likely spend the rest of your life in prison.
It is important that you receive help immediately. Go to a hospital if you feel as though you cannot control your behavior. Call emergency services if necessary. You should immediately report your feelings to your parents or the school administrators. Once they are aware of your thoughts, they can assist you in receiving the appropriate psychological help. Counseling could assist you in developing coping skills to deal with your very strong emotions. Please seek help immediately. Please take care.
Dr. Kristina Randle
Mental Health & Criminal Justice