When my mother was young, she had a son called Braxtan who had passed away at the age of 2 before I was even born. If he were still alive now he would have the role of the oldest child in our family instead of me. Being the oldest child, I feel very pressured in everything I do and I also argue with my parents a lot (which makes me quite upset), because of this I quite frequently find myself wishing that Braxtan would just burst through the front door and would be there for me when I feel although no one else is. I believe that I miss him incredibly much ,but I don’t know if this is possible/normal and what I can do to stop missing him because I know he’ll never come back. (From Australia)
Such a thoughtful and sensitive question. It is not unusual for the loss of a child to create unique dynamics in a family that makes it hard to carry on. There is a saying: “When a parent dies you lose the past. When a child dies you lose the future.” You may be feeling some of these dynamics from your mom’s grieving and your own thoughts about what it would be like to have an older brother. It is likely to be more of you thinking “What if?” rather than you having known him and he is gone.
There is more information here and here about this.
The challenge for you now at 14 is to start learning more about who you are, what you like, and what interests you. Learning how to be you is the most important thing for you to be doing.
Wishing you patience and peace,