Home Abuse I’m Just a Pawn in Their Game…

I’m Just a Pawn in Their Game…

by Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

Hello. I’m a teenage girl living in Cali, USA. Ever since I remember, I’ve been struggling with mental illness. And it is very tiring to tell myself all these years that it will get better when it never has. I even see a therapist, but we’ve tried a lot of things and nothings worked even though I want it to work so badly.

It is probably because, no matter what, I can’t get away from my family until I’m an adult. Then I’m moving out of here. You see, I do like some members of our families, heck we even created some kind of support group for ourselves, but there’s others that are very toxic and I’m forced to hang out with since they live under the same roof. Heck, I even tried getting social services and a restraining order, but nothing has worked! But, I am one determined person and that’s the only thing keeping me sane.

When I was ten, some things happened (long story, can’t tell it in less than 400 words right now), that ended up as a scandal in my family. And what better to do with a scandal that left me with several PTSD than to use it to support your point? Want somebody to pay something? Bring up the scandal. And I can always hear them. Then, to make it worse, they then comment on me, saying that I’m a useless whore. Yeah, it was sexual assault, and I can’t do anything about it because “lack of evidence”…I even tried to get the police to intervene, but they did nothing as well!

And now it is almost Thanksgiving, and that’s by far my least favorite time of the year. Great, they’re just gonna argue again and bring up my story again and I’ll just gotta sit there and act pretty again.

So, I’ve a plan. Don’t know if it’ll work or not, since, well, there’s no telling if it’ll be successful. But I’m planning to write a book about my rather horrible childhood and publishing it somewhere. Even if one person believes the truth, then maybe I can finally find peace in myself.

As long as you are identified as being the only one with a problem, family members don’t need to face their own responsibility for whatever happened, and it’s unlikely things will change. However, since some family members are supportive, a toehold already exists for making change. From my point of view, then, this is a family therapy case, not a situation that will be improved with individual treatment.

If you haven’t already, please talk to your therapist about expanding your treatment to include the whole family. If the whole group won’t come, start with the people who are allies. If your therapist doesn’t feel qualified to change the mode of therapy, ask for a referral to someone who has experience and expertise in working with the whole family in the room.

Meanwhile, writing is an excellent way to manage your own feelings. I hope you are sharing your writings with your therapist. You will also feel more empowered if you are doing everything you can to get ready to live on your own. That means doing well in school so you have a chance at scholarships to college and/or developing some job skills so you can leave home and support yourself

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

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