Hello, just to give some background, I’ve self-harmed and have gone to the hospital because of my injuries before. Ever since I was very young I’ve had strong urges to harm living things and even myself. I seem to like all things involving pain harm and blood. I’ve harmed myself several times in the past but not usually for suicidal tendencies but for fun, I try my best not to anymore. The thing that also concerns me is the fact I have terrible nightmares and very long and strange dreams/nightmares often having me hallucinate even after I wake up from the dream in the middle of the night. That has caused me to dread night time and being alone at home and the darkness (I sleep with a lamp on because of this). I’m often paranoid but I love to watch all things horror and dark so that doesn’t really help my situation either but I can’t seem to stop. I am always paranoids at night and feel as if something is out to get me and that would cause me to stare at something like the door or the mirror because I find it bad and I’d have a hard time falling asleep because of it sometimes as well.
These are not necessarily “normal” problems. Though there are teenagers who engage in cutting, it’s generally a sign of something being wrong. People who cut often do so because they have a great deal of emotional pain and have trouble expressing it in healthy ways.
As far as the nighttime problems, you admitted that your television viewing habits are contributing but “you can’t help it.” The truth is you can help it. You’re choosing not to. It’s a choice. You could watch something else but you choose to indulge your negative interests and thus are suffering the consequences. Until you choose differently, this will likely continue.
Regarding the nightmares and hallucinations, that might be indicative of a psychological problem. As mentioned above, the programs you watch are likely contributing but they may be only part of the problem. Depression and or anxiety may also be present.
For problems such as these, therapy would be the treatment of choice. Consult a therapist, in-person. They would be in the best position to help you. Counseling is particularly important because of your self-harm tendencies. People who engage in self-harm are more likely to attempt suicide than individuals who do not engage in self-harm.
Once you begin treatment, these problems will likely dissipate. I hope you will take my advice and seek help. It will help you to feel better. Call for emergency assistance, if necessary. Good luck and please take care.
Dr. Kristina Randle