Well The thing is i’m pretty sure i should probably go see a professional about it, but i would really prefer not to. But to sum up the last few years of whats been going on. 2 friends died by being hit by cars ( they were walking ) both at different times, my parents got a divorce in 2008 both remarried in 2009… Both divorced again in 2011.. and they are getting back together now.. I was constantyl in the middle, i was loaning my father money to pay
his bills and same for my mother. In the last 3 months i have been laid off of my job, and now i’m in threat of loosing everything i have worked for. Although i have a really crappy job offering which i’m going to take to pay the bills. Now let me explain the recent problems..
Starting about 2-3 days ago i have been getting extremely mad at my wife and children for no reason. I don’t know why.. I get to the point where i’m afraid to get near my girls i’m afraid i’ll hurt them, so instead i have them go play outside. My wife is usually at work so i’m acting as stay at home dad right now, Occasionally and including right now, it seems like i can’t get enough oxygen into my system no matter how deep i breath or how much i try. I personally love my wife and children to death, i dislike society and humanity as a whole so i don’t have friends and don’t want them ( i also have no interest in seeing a therapist although it’s probably for the best ) I do not talk to most of my family only my father and mother, and thats only becuase i have to i would prefer if they would stay out of my life..
I absolutely hate myself and constantly think of suicide. Of course i would never act on it, but it doesn’t stop me from day dreaming about it. Also at nights, almost every night i have nightmares, they are never plesent in any way. Usually my kids or wife dying. I’m not happy with my life for sure, i want much more out of my life. I’m not afraid of dying, only of being forgotten.. I want to do something to be remembered..
I know this isn’t much of a question, but i’m seeking advice, i want to make the best of myself and such for my wife and kids, so i’m considering seeing a therapist, but i think it will be a waste of time. I’m not really addicted to games and such, i mean i do play on the computer but i don’t mind getting off to play with my kids or spend time with my wife, even if i don’t want to get off i dont’ get mad about it i just do it. And through the day i’m not really on much, only at night..
The other problem is my wife is being bothered by my sleeping habits. I usually go to sleep about 10-11AM and wake at about 2-3PM about 2-3 times a month i’ll go 24-36 hours without sleep altogether, i’m not forcing myself i just don’t feel tired.. i’ve tried sleeping pills and they have done nothing. My father had prescription sleeping pills i tried and still nothing ( i know it’s wrong )
umm, other than that i’m sorta addicted to sex.. I mean i want sex every single night.. of course the wife isn’t always int he mood which is understandable. But in the past when she denied me for whatever reason, i would just cuddle with her then go watch tv or play a game, but in the last couple of days, i have gotten so mad at her i wanted to kill myself.. It almost feels like i’m being denied love. I’m honestly not sure wtf is going on.. I’m assuming depression, and maybe a bit of anxiety.. But i’m no therapist. Any way Yeah what do you think.
What I think is what you think. Follow your own good instincts. You need the support and advice of a therapist who can give you more than what we’re able to do through a letter. For starters, it sounds to me that you are still grieving your friends and your parents’ unstable relationship and that you have a serious sleep disorder (that, btw, could contribute to your depression and your episodes of rage). You may be feeling even more upset about being unemployed than you are letting yourself acknowledge. Losing a job and feeling forced to take a “crappy” one is a major hit on most adults’ self-esteem. You are wise enough not to take your feelings out on the family who loves you but you do think about taking it out on yourself — which of course would do unestimable damage to the wife and children you leave behind. I wonder if you want sex so much because it is the only way you’ve found to truly relax.
As you can see, your letter left me with more questions than answers – except one: Do see a therapist and go into the project with as much courage, openness, and honesty as you can. Your family deserves it. So do you.
I wish you well.