Recently, I have been imagining and having visions of people being killed. I have had multiple dreams where people have been killed, mostly stabbed, in all of which I have killed them. Murder has never appealed to me until quite recently and I find this very weird. I frequently have visions of random people being killed in some way and sometimes, if I’m stood in a large crowd and am feeling particularly anxious I see multiple people being murdered around me. It doesn’t scare me or disturb me, in fact it comforts me, strangely. My friends aren’t scared of me but I am scared of myself, especially since I sometimes have sudden urges to kill someone when they do something as small as call me a name. I often feel like I have no control over my actions and I do things without thinking. I am worried that I am going to do something bad at some point and I feel as if I have no control over what I might do. I would really appreciate some advice. Thank you.
The most concerning aspect of your letter is that you feel you have no control over your behavior. If you cannot control yourself, then others may be at risk of harm. In that case, you must seek help. That would be the right course of action.
Counseling could help to uncover the cause of your unusual thoughts but most importantly it would help by teaching you how to control your behavior. Thoughts are not necessarily something that one can control. Behavior, alternatively, is generally within one’s control. Inability to control one’s behavior is a sign that something is wrong. It might indicate a mental illness. If a mental illness is present, treatment is necessary.
Ask your parents to take you to a counselor. You don’t necessarily have to tell them every detail about why you want to go. It may be enough to say that you want help with emotional issues. Hopefully that will spur your parents into action. If you feel that you might hurt yourself or someone else, contact emergency services. They will help you immediately and protect you and others from harm. Good luck and please take care.
Dr. Kristina Randle