Here’s the gist of it. I currently diagnosed with Autism Spectral Disorder, an Anxiety Disorder, and, recently, Impulse Control Disorder. Along with the fact, I would like to know if this sort of thing has been heard of.
For one, I have quite a profound dislike of my dad’s wife, so much so that I almost cannot sort out why. It’s to such an extent that I find talking to her to be painful. My dad isn’t really happy about this but I can’t seem to help it. Likewise, I feel the same way about a cousin (he’s six).
While the dislike is one thing, I seem to want to harm them (this is especially the case in the latter). I know this isn’t right and I don’t act on it but it’s just there and, if the thought to harm isn’t there, it’s a rather violent and bloody image.
I’m not sure why I feel this way and I’m pretty sure the fact that they’re both annoying wouldn’t be calls for the imagery and thoughts there.
Unfortunately, it isn’t always just with them but this always occurs when I’m very upset and not really sure people don’t think of “mauling” people when they are upset.
Is there an explanation for as to why this is?
I appreciate the courage of speaking up about this and writing us here. There are two things that are important. First, the fact that this is chronically uncomfortable makes it very important. Anything repetitious and unwanted demands attention.Secondly, the fact that you see this reaction as beyond a normal annoyance is important. The fact that you have difficulty regulating it is worth doing something about it.
The Find Help tab at the top of this page can help you find a therapist in your area. If you are working with a therapist already (since you say you have a diagnosis) I would talk about these images and your discomfort. This will help you develop some more skills for self control.
Wishing you patience and peace,