Q. I lived with my mum up to the time she died. It was me and mum, I was 35. We left my dad when I was 17 he was abusive. Since mums death I run away to France from uk never spoke to my brother since. have no friends or family I met my partner over internet and she was in police force she moved to be with me she is very patient with me My memory of my past can not remember and cant interact when my partner tells me stories from her past some stories i can but we have been together 3 years same stories. I have pains in my back, i have to control my blinking it goes down my arm then my leg if i can’t control twitch then i am controlling my breathing get heavy and it feels worse as i cant breath and feel inside i am going to die. Have flash backs i instantly push away i feel a blanket over lap me slowly until i have no energy. I cant sleep most times have to think of a story and go with it until i fall asleep i cant do simple tasks like pick a towel of the floor even though it annoys Janie when Janie asks me simple things i feel over whelmed like its to much for me to handle sounds ridiculous i do try its like i cant pick up the towel or put tooth past lid on etc. most mornings i thought of suicide i would never do as i punch it away instantly i did try when mum died but could not do i cant sleep. headache dizziness i feel i don’t want to even talk sometimes i don’t feel depressed i know i should not but i think i am sometimes i am not aware but Janie says i am.
latterly thinking moving back to uk but i feel i wont make it i mean i not going to survive. i cant explain properly there is so much over last 3 years i am feeling i am being watched to point i am being haunted. i know i am its another story i some times see my self screaming or my body shaking or crawling around the floor like a animal i feel i want to but i don’t Janie only see me when i am tired or i say i am not feeling very well i would not allow her to know what’s happening but lately i lay there and feel in my mind its on a border line of in my mind that i am going to lose my mind and not know about it i am not very sociable and get very anxious i also get palpitation in my throat when people come but Janie has helped me very much and i have improved lots cant tell you everything as i don’t want to feel upset. i was wondering do you know whets up with me and how do i help myself to be better not by talking to anyone or anyone or going to doctors.
I look attractive and am well-spoken i know this is all a jibble i just thought when i came across your site system of being haunted i came across yours and sounds similar. i get very confused sometimes and had to close my bank account in England as i forgot all my details and i could not remember where i lived before and had to Google it now i know thanks is there anything wrong with me or am i grieving. Thanks so much for reading there so much but would go on forever.
I am sorry you are experiencing so much distress. Based on your letter, it seems like you are suffering from a number of issues that include stress, sleep deprivation, anxiety, paranoia, severe memory loss, dissociation, depression, suicidal ideation, possibly panic attacks and post traumatic stress. It seems that you are on the edge of losing control. In fact, you already have gaps in memory so severe that you cannot remember basic information about where you live. This is abnormal and should not be occurring.
It is imperative that you seek help from a mental health professional. I strongly urge you, if you have not already done so, to have a psychiatric evaluation. The evaluation can help you connect with a mental health professional and identify what issue you need to tackle first. If you have a family member or a friend who can go with you for support, please take them along. Don’t put this off. Make the appointment and get help now.