Home Abuse Life is Constantly Going Downhill

Life is Constantly Going Downhill

by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW

Well, back in 2003ish, my real dad had gone to jail for trying to attack my mom because she was seeing this guy she met online, he was out of my life for years, later when he got out, he became a totally alcoholic and chain smoker, by this time my moms boyfriend had moved down, bought a house and we had moved in with him. My dad got sent to New York and he was out of my life. My family (1 sister and my mom) had been living off of my moms boyfriends (I’ll just call him Jim for privacy and times sake) income. My mom quit her job and Jim felt it was necessary to totally dictate my life. He grounds me for not getting A’s and B’s in school, which was impossible to me because I had EC activities everyday which were hard enough to focus on, I was always the work horse of the house being a boy of course, all the stress would pile up and I would just keep focusing on home life at school. Well I’ve graduated since then and it got even worse. I was expected to go to college first off, but I was told everyday to get a job, it’s damn near impossible and no ones even taking applications. I cant explain the bigger parts of the problem because of the restraints I have here. But today I was told my mom is leaving so I have to come with her, get a job, and I won’t be able to go to college. Oh another thing on a side note: I have no friends, I never leave my house, I play video games all day for at least 12 hours a day, and my moms boyfriend is even worse with video games by the way. I still work to my fullest extent in the house and my physical strength is put to the limits all the time. I have back problems because of all the manual labor I’ve had to do in my life since I was 6 years old. So right now I can’t see my life getting any worse once we leave Jims house. I’m in rock bottom. My mom herself said she can barely afford a run down place to stay. And if you’re wondering, my relationship with my mom is an atrocity. She has made death threats to me, and constantly makes my life a living Hell. I’m not going to go further than that. But my point is, I can’t see myself ever being able to get back on my feet. Oh, I can’t afford to get my license, or a car for that matter. And I don’t know what to do.

You have been forced to take on adult responsibilities before you were fully prepared. Your father was in prison and then abandoned the family. Your mother is unstable and abusive. You have had to essentially raise yourself. You have had no real guidance. Now, you are expected to keep the family together, at a time when you are struggling to build your own life. I am sorry you are faced with this very difficult and unfair life situation.

Your mother is an adult. She is an able-bodied individual and it is her responsibility to support herself and her family. Finding employment would help contribute to the family but it should not be your job to handle all the responsibilities and to pay all the bills. You need to be your own advocate. You deserve an opportunity to live your life and to go to college.

You need help, support and guidance. I would highly recommend making contact with a mental health professional at the local community mental health center (CMHC). Call and speak to them about your situation. They may be able to assist you even though you cannot physically attend an appointment. They may be able to assign a case manager who could assist you with the following: getting your license, purchasing a car, finding alternative transportation, securing housing. In addition, they can provide mental health services such as individual therapy, group counseling, intensive case management, medication management, and so forth. They may also be able to assist your mother which would allow you the opportunity to go to college. I would strongly recommend calling the CMHC as soon as possible. Click on the find help tab to help you locate local mental health services in your community.

You have described your situation as being at “rock bottom.” You are enduring a very difficult time in your life. The good news about “rock bottom” is that it cannot get any worse. You are struggling now but with the right help your life can turn around. I hope you are able to get the help that you deserve. Please do not hesitate to write again if you have additional questions.

Dr. Kristina Randle

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