Hello, my name is k–. I am 14 years old and have been having multiple concerning (sort of) issues for as long as i can remember. I hate humans. They discust me and their motives confuse me. I do understand I’m a human myself but i feel more…. knowing. I have had signs of social anxiety and MPD. Death bears no meaning to me. I can look at my friend and smile at the thought of sliding a knife into their chest. Often I have conversations with the person in my head I have come to know as Toby Bryers. I consider him my conscience but he says he is a very powerfull being who has gotten tied with the wrong person.He thinks he is going to take over my mind and use my body as a vessel. Yet after all of this talk he turns right around to comfort me or help me out. Sometimes he tells me to do things I know i shouldn’t. such as challenge a higher class human (aka: adult) or even hurt someone or disobey rules. This ends in us bickering and me winning. He says he wants to take me to higher places that humans are to idiotic to understand. I believe him but.. if the occasion that this is untrue.. well.. I don’t want to get into trouble. Animals are fine. I love them and often refuse meat when offered. Humans have stolen their glory and I worry for their well-being. Sometimes i want to be really nice to people and help them. other times I would like to bash their skulls in. Sometimes I just ignore them all. I often find myself talking to myself and rambling (as you may plainly see) in which cases I either stop or worry myself over the person noticing. Sometimes i will find myself laughing cazaly for no reason. I can’t stop. there was something else i wanted to say but I have forgotten…. oh well. I’m sure it was nothing.. Also i haven’t spoken to my parents at all about this. I want to also inform you that i am highly indecisive about my gender. (genderfluid? or nonbinary?) but i am 99% sure that i am asexual. (panromantic or heteromantic?). i thank in advance.
The thought process you have described is concerning. It’s distorted and laced with hate for humankind and potential hallucinations. You actively hate people and also believe that you are being directed by a being or a voice. These symptoms indicate that something is wrong.
It’s a mistake to withhold your symptoms from your parents. They should know what’s wrong. If they knew, perhaps they could assist you in consulting a mental health professional. A mental health professional could evaluate your symptoms, determine the problem and develop a treatment plan.
It’s imperative that you tell your parents about your concerns. Ask them to take you to a mental health professional. A mental health professional will assist you in correcting your thinking. Medication has the potential to eliminate the voice that is causing you so much distress.
Your symptoms require treatment. I urge you to seek help immediately. If you feel as though you cannot control your behavior, contact the authorities or go to the hospital. They will protect you from hurting yourself or from hurting others. Please take care.
Dr. Kristina Randle