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My Boyfriend Is Spending the Weekend with His Ex-Wife

by Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

From the U.S.: My boyfriend has only been divorced for 2 months and lives with me. We have been together since January (4 months) but have only been living together for 2 weeks. His stepson graduated college yesterday and he went to see him graduate.

My issue is my boyfriend is spending the weekend with his ex wife (married for 19 yrs), their 17 yr old daughter and his ex-wife’s mother. He says I don’t have anything to worry about but his ex wanted him to fly up to help her get rid of her boyfriend just last week. I think she’s regretting her decision and wants him back.

What should I do? I will be seeing his ex-wife in 2 weeks when their daughter graduates High School and then again when the daughter gets married in September. I’ve been single for 16 years and don’t know if I’m over reacting.

No, I don’t think you are over-reacting. But I do think that you’ve moved too quickly into a live-in situation. Your boyfriend has only been divorced two months. He has work to do to figure out his relationship with his ex, his children and his former in-laws.

It’s not his job to help his ex get rid of a boyfriend. It is his job to celebrate his children’s accomplishments and milestone events. Attending their ceremonies reassures them that he didn’t divorce them. Staying with his former family can be misread by his ex as an indication of willingness to consider getting back together. Staying in a motel gives the clear message that things are different now.

I hope you and your boyfriend can talk this over reasonably and calmly. You can’t control what your boyfriend decides to do. You can decide whether you want to live with him while he works out his various relationships and gets emotionally as well as legally divorced.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

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