Hello, I am concerned about my health. I feel like I have a superiority complex and that I am above people which can seem odd or laughable in conversations. I have not been diagnosed, however I feel I may have a personality disorder and some mild psychosis.
I crave attention from anybody and get a rush knowing people are attracted to me but cannot have me. Although, other times I “act” sweet to portray a pleasant character to get attention from playing the damsel in distress. I tell people everything about myself even the awful things to get them to pay attention. I get frustrated because I plan conversations in my mind and they do not always play out as I had hoped.
I have never dated anyone, because once friends and people around me see how psychotic my behavior is — they are not interested. I burst into song at random times so people can hear how great my singing sounds and talk about what I thrive in.
I see shadows moving in a room in the corner of my view and mistake them for people. Recently I have been sitting in my room on social media, placing my thoughts on Twitter accounts. I sometimes forget whether things actually happened or if they were a dream I had. I often have dreams about how I can persuade people to my way of thinking. To me they will eventually be persuaded — my outlook of life is more rounded and filled with experience. They simply do not understand that some people are out for themselves. Everyone is too close minded and too trusting to notice the reality. People have to understand that I am right about the crazed individuals and they always escape Karma.
I knew someone like this a while ago. Nobody believed me that he was manipulating everyone. I knew what he was doing and unfortunately he pushed all my buttons and made me feel foolish. He started dating my friend and it just so happened he asked her out on my birthday. He knew exactly what he was doing and he even physically hurt me. Somehow I found him attractive. In a sick way this was attention that I wanted. He wants nothing to do with me after his break up with my friend.
I just want to be noticed by somebody. I am important.
You seem to have a strong desire for attention. Generally speaking, people want to be noticed and they want to feel important. Sometimes that need is greater among people who didn’t sufficiently feel loved or valued by their primary caregivers. Perhaps that was lacking in your development and you behave in this manner in order to compensate for those unmet needs. There might be other explanations.
The best way to determine what might be wrong and how to correct it is to be evaluated by a mental health professional. An evaluation will determine what treatment would be the most appropriate for your set of symptoms.
You are attempting to connect with others but in a seemingly maladaptive way. A good example of this is your desiring the attention of someone who physically harmed you and who wanted nothing to do with you. You should not be accepting of that type of treatment from others. You should avoid unhealthy relationships but because of your strong desire for attention, you seem to be willing to tolerate them. Therapy can be helpful in teaching you how to appropriately interact with others and how to recognize signs of an unhealthy relationship. Learning these skills can significantly improve your relationships and your quality of life. Please take care.
Dr. Kristina Randle