I am a 15 year old male from Kansas that has lived a normal life except for the fact that I can’t remember the last time I was happy. There is this girl that I have been “friends” with my whole life and I started being in love with her before I even knew what love was. Everyone keeps telling me that what I am going through is completely normal and lots of people go through it, I know this but the fact remains that I have been depressed for 5 years now because I know that she couldn’t care less about me. She calls me her friend but she told me she doesn’t want me in her life. I have recently told a handful of people how I feel and I wish I could take back every word I said. I told my best friend who now thinks I am ridiculous, I told my parents who repetitively tell me to just move on, and I told the love of my life how I feel about her and she said she couldn’t care less. This has ruined my friendship, my family, and my whole life. I am a good student that makes straight A’s but I can’t focus at school because I am up till 2:00 am crying myself to sleep. I don’t eat as much, I can’t sleep, and I have randomly placed emotional breakdowns. I love my parents but I don’t think they can help, I can’t even tell them all of how I feel because I know it will hurt them too much. Just about a year ago I contemplated taking my own life, I have moved pass this and will never think that way again but I am a Christian and I still find myself praying every night for death. I don’t know what to do or where to turn. I feel worthless and unwanted, please help.
I can appreciate how difficult it is for so many people close to you to not understand what you are feeling. I’d like to approach this from another angle, which is a deeper question about why you have chosen to pick someone who clearly doesn’t want to be with you. The message she has given you is obvious and yet for five years you are refusing to accept that she isn’t choosing you. You remain miserable, cry yourself to sleep, aren’t eating right, have emotional breakdowns, and are surprised that the people who love you and are closest to you want you to feel better. The curious thing is that many people care about you — show their love for you by encouraging you to move on — yet you are focused on the one who “couldn’t care less.” It sounds like it is time for you to ask yourself why you aren’t accepting her decision.
Wishing you patience and peace,