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Not Sure What To Do

by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW

After High School I moved to another state to enroll in a Bible College. The first year was an amazing year and I absolutely loved it. The second year was the complete opposite. It was a disaster and I was severely depressed. The school had turned into a prison to me, one where I couldn’t even have control over my own life. At least that is what it felt like. When I came back home from my second year, I knew I was going to stay home. I was going to get a job, enroll at the university in town and move on. However as the summer droned on I had a really hard time finding a job and its really scarce here to get employment. Along with all of that my parents are possibly getting a divorce. My brother and his wife are working on getting a divorce as well and he moved back home with us. So now there are five people living in a two bedroom house. Its crazy. At first it was really difficult, now we are at the place where no talks about it. Recently my friend from college has invited me to come back and live with her. There I can get work and go to the community college for much less. It sounds like a smart thing to do, but sometimes the easiest thing isn’t always the right thing. I am torn. I love being home but my family is emotionally draining and I am extremely lonely because all of my friends are in another state. However I feel like if I move back then I’m not doing something for myself, I’m just letting my friend take care of me. And I can’t keep hopping states every time life gets hard. What do I do? Or can you at least help me make sense of all this confusion?

The easiest choice is often the incorrect choice but there are exceptions, and I believe this is one of them. Option one would be to stay in your hometown where the living situation is less than ideal, the outlook for jobs is bleak and your family life is emotionally draining. You are not enjoying the company of your family. Living with them leads to significant distress.

Option two would be to live with a friend in a new town in which work is plentiful. You could attend a local community college. In addition, you would have the opportunity to be with people you enjoy spending time with.

Option two seems like the wisest choice but I certainly don’t know your whole situation. I am basing my advice on only the 320 words that you have sent me.

You need a job. You have a desire to return to school, and community college affords you that opportunity. In addition, leaving home allows you to be with friends and move forward with your life.

If you consider your options from a logical perspective, the choice becomes clear. Everyone has the right to conduct their lives in the manner that they wish. I see option two as your desire to move forward in life but ultimately, the choice is yours. You may want to consult a therapist. Working with an objective third party might help to focus your thinking. I wish you the best luck. Please take care.

Dr. Kristina Randle

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