Home Anger Management Overbearing Boyfriend’s Mother

Overbearing Boyfriend’s Mother

by Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

My boyfriend’s mother seemed to like me at first but since he and I have moved in together she has been my worst enemy. I recently lost my job and she constantly is calling my boyfriend and asking if I have found a job and then proceeds to make comments like “I bet she cant wait until you get paid, her hand will be out waiting for your money.”

He has told her that I have been applying for jobs and I have gone on interviews but that is not good enough. Its to the point now that he and I are fighting about his mom being in my business and he not standing up for me. How do I telling her to back off. I’m not sure how much more I can take. I know he feels like he is in the middle but I don’t know how to stop it and I’m afraid if I confront her it will not end well.

Your boyfriend’s mother is over-protective of her son, it’s true. It’s also true that it won’t end well if you confront her. If you know you are truly doing the best you can to find employment, please just let this roll off your back. It doesn’t matter what she thinks. It matters what you and your boyfriend think.

I am concerned that you think your boyfriend isn’t “standing up for you.” Maybe. It may also be that he knows that taking on his mom is a losing proposition and that it’s better just to nod and appear to agree, then go on with what he thinks is best. If that’s the case, take a cue from him. You can’t argue someone like her out of an irrational fear.

Don’t defend, explain or apologize for your situation. Just tell her, “I completely understand why you are worried. I’m doing the best I can.” Then change the subject. If she persists, make as graceful an exit as you can — without anger. Be pleasant. Tell her again that you appreciate that she is worried but that you have to go.

When people go low, the best thing to do, really, is to go high.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

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