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Petty Differences Pulling Us Apart

by Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

From the U.S.: He says I’m too dependent, I don’t do what I say I’m going to do (handling business issues). He can’t hold my hand, he has too much going on. It’s like he’s worried about me more than I am about myself. He says he loves me, but all of this is too much and it frustrates him, but he loves me so much. He’s angry. He says I’m not the same person he met and fell in love with. He says I don’t understand. We’re two different people. I don’t get it. We don’t have “real” problems. I love him beyond what words could express. I desperately want to make things better, but I feel like he wants to give up. He cries so much. I know it’s killing him. It kills me to see him like this. He says I don’t understand because I’m in a comfortable spot. I have no worries, he says. We’ve been dating a little over a year. I moved in with him after 6 months. Things were magical before the move. I don’t know what to do. He’s my best friend, my world. I don’t want to lose him over whatever all of this is. He says our personalities clash. I really don’t get it I guess. I don’t handle business or do what I say I’m going to do all the time more so because my focus is always on us. We need help. We need a resolution. We’re so much better than this.

I strongly urge you to see a couples counselor together. Someone needs to help the two of you make sense of the huge change in your relationship. My only guess is that you moved in together much too soon. You both must have been quite infatuated with each other.

The trouble with infatuation is that it doesn’t let people see each other clearly. Once it settles down, people often see each other in a new way. What was dismissed because of the excitement of new love then becomes more important. It could be that the two of you are experiencing the change in different ways. You still like what you see. He has some serious questions.

I don’t know if the two of you will move to the next stage. I do know you need some help getting through this impasse. For that reason, I do urge you to see someone who can help you sort things out.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

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