Hi I am a 23 year old virgin. I was coming out of my shell and kissing and dating. I was really starting to enjoy life then I started having ED issues and my penis started to curve also. I was diagnosed with venous leak by a urologist. I had a complete nervous breakdown. I spent night after night hyper-ventilating and wishing for death as I felt totally worthless and very suicidal. It was all I thought about and it ruined me. I dropped out of university as I couldn’t focus on my work with my misery and obsessive intrusive thoughts. My libido went entirely and orgasm lost any mental benefit if anything it made me feel worse. This went on for a year. During this year my grandfather died and my cat went missing without a trace also. Any sexual reference made by friends or in show movies or books just made me feel horrible. Seeing a woman that I would have usually found sexually attractive was not arousing in the slightest and that is just upsetting beyond words.
I finally had a surgery a year after it all started it was a surgery that tied 12 veins off and dealt with the curvature also. At first erections were coming back and I felt like my old self again but it is progressively going down hill again I have lost a considerable amount of penile length and thickness due to the surgeries and now I feel even more emasculated again. And I hate myself for doing it. There are positives as it is slightly easier to have some sort of erection and masturbating is slightly more pleasurable as blood fills it a little easier. But I miss the heft of my penis I miss automatic erections I miss firm erections. I hate living this frustrating existence. They don’t know why it happened by the way it just developed even though I take care of my health and they couldn’t find any reason for the condition though my blood was tested again and again. There’s a woman I was interested in before all this that I want have a sexual experience with her but now I’m ashamed to take my pants off in front of anyone. I do want to satisfy her no matter what I just can’t muster up the courage to call her. (From Ireland)
I appreciate the courage to begin talking about this. I would recommend talking to the physician about support groups. Often there are groups with individuals struggling with similar issues, which are arranged through the hospital. The surgeon has most likely had experience with other men who have had the same concerns. Finding a support group through the physician would seem the best route to go to gain your confidence back.
Wishing you patience and peace,