I’m an Education graduate Cum Laude and currently working as a BPO agent. I recently decided to continue to Law primarily to achieve my dream of being a lawyer but mostly to cure my academic insecurity. I think my cousins and friends landed a better course and better job. I ended up working in call center since I hate teaching. I only took up teaching because my mom says so. So, lately I had problem cooping up with school and work. I hate my work, I don’t like the way they do things there. I thought we should be working with integrity but all I can see are the opposite. Then I messed up school. So not like me. I ended up not reading my books, cases or not doing assignments because I cant fit my time to do work and school. I used to multi-task way back college, both working two jobs and studying.
Then last week, I broke down, I didn’t attend school, I missed my projects, I miss work. I cried all day, I throw all my books. I blamed myself for being irresponsible, worthless, dumb (well I think I am a total failure ) and keep asking why do I keep on pushing something that I cant. I even ended up noticing my room as ugly as hell and wish that I can find another that will suit me well. I loss all the confidence I had, I just want to evaporate or disappear. I sometimes thought of killing myself but cant find a way on how. I don’t want people to see my body and ended up being the talk of the city. I don’t want people to notice me, I just want to be alone and do things the way they should be.
Then I started being quiet, so opposite of me being happy and talkative. I use to have a lot of friends now only I a few that I want to talk to. At work, I seldom talk to my workmates but I still respond they way a normal person do. Back at home, I just sit quietly, staring at the wall, thinking of how mess up my future now is and how hopeless I am now. Then I took up a test here and got a result of severe depression, what a shocker (sarcastically speaking). I no longer love myself, I don’t want to do things anymore, I just want to rest and not think of anything. Can I do that forever? (From Philippines)
The sudden onset of his and he additional struggles on your plate suggest you should have a general medical exam first. When this rapid of a change happens the first thing is to rule out anything physical that may be responsible.
Secondly, I would recommend talking to the Counselors at your law school about time management, meditation, and self care practices. I think this will help.
Symptoms of Depression
But if you do believe you suffer from depression, here are the six (6) most common symptoms of clinical depression:
- Persistent sadness, feeling down or hopeless: The most common symptom of depression is a persistent feeling of sadness or low mood that persists for most of the day, nearly every day.
- Loss of interest or pleasure in activities: People with depression may lose interest in activities they once enjoyed, including hobbies, socializing, or spending time with friends and family.
- Changes in appetite or weight: Depression can cause changes in appetite, leading to either weight loss or gain.
- Sleep disturbances: People with depression may have trouble sleeping, either by struggling to fall asleep, staying asleep, or waking up early in the morning.
- Fatigue or loss of energy: Depression can cause feelings of fatigue or low energy, even after a full night’s rest.
- Difficulty concentrating or making decisions: People with depression may have trouble concentrating or making decisions, even on simple tasks.
In any case, you should seek out assistance from a local therapist or other professional in your community as soon as you can. It sounds like you are in pain and could benefit from professional assistance.
Wishing you patience and peace,