Home Anxiety Possible Reason(s) for Sudden Obsession with Younger, Unattractive Man

Possible Reason(s) for Sudden Obsession with Younger, Unattractive Man

I’ve been happily single-by-choice for many years. Definitely not even considering ANY possibility of new “romantic” relationship.
Out of NOWHERE, I started constantly thinking about & plotting ways to spend time with a man approx 15 yrs younger than I. He works evenings & nights as a security guard where I reside. He’s been working here for approx. 6 mos.
I’d seen & even spoken briefly to him several times previously, but without a hint of warning I became “closer” (no physical exchanges due to my faith & beliefs). Here’s the kicker: he couldn’t be FURTHER from what has always been my “type”. Where I live there are many different nationalities & people from many diverse ethnic backgrounds. I’ve always been attracted first & foremost, by physical appearance & to races other than mine (Caucasian). This “young man” is Hispanic, having only arrived in Hawaii last year, and is pure WHITE, skinny, shaved head, big ears & a horrible physique.
Now’s the time to add the fact of my extremely good, rare physical shape-not only for “my age” but for women in general. I’ve had 5 large babies but have always been very athletic-serious weight-lifting for many years as well as running, canoe-paddling etc. In 2009 I realized my 35-year dream & underwent an abdominoplasty which removed 2 lbs. of loose skin only-no liposuction needed-& complete abdominal muscle restoration (stretch marks & scars are history & I’ve had extensive tattooing over the surgical scars. People think I’m “fibbing” when they learn about my large family because my body definitely is not the “norm” in the many-children dept.
I’m 5′ 2″, still somewhat muscular, have long, straight hair (in which I keep all traces of white from becoming obvious) & am feisty & energetic. I’m certainly not movie-star gorgeous but not too shabby for 61*
So…what is up with my totally out-of-character attraction to this guy? He has a beautiful accent I call “Sprench” for Spanish/French because it sounds like a little of both. He’s been very kind & considerate but I think I’ve frightened him with my hyper, “dog-with-a-bone” personality. He’s separated from his wife, who’s in CA.
I mean, if my kids ever knew about this they’d think I’d totally lost it. I have 2 bodybuilder sons & all my children are super attractive, as are their kids. What do I do???

You may have matured to seeing and connecting beyond other attributes you’d found attractive. By the way you’ve described your background and situation it seems like your previous “types” didn’t work out. Someone’s type is almost always also a euphemism for their troubles. Since there is no romantic inclination and his uniqueness, kindness, and thoughtfulness are real elements of the relationship it might be worth letting it be an evolving friendship — rather than an obsession. Any new relationship has an intensity that wears off and becomes more compassionate. My guess is that this will evolve in the same way as you are not looking for it to be romantic. It isn’t always a pathological thing to feel good in the presence of others.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan


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