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Post Breakup Depression

I met a woman online in Norway, we emailed for 4 months, our emails became intimate, she ended up flying to Florida to be with me for 17 days. On the 4th day, she told me she had no feelings for me, then a day later she said she wanted to be alone, I left her at her hotel and went home, an hour later she called and I went back to see her, she apologized and said it was her, she felt far from home, she did try to change her flight but couldn’t. The next day she said she thinks she’s falling in love with me. The next 13 days until she left for home, everything was great, she made me feel like she did fall in love with me. Sex was great, we were very intimate, she told me many things, made me feel she would return soon and be with me.

Once she returned home, I couldn’t get a hold of her by any means. 4 days later she emailed me, said she needed time to think, thanked me for the good times we had and good luck and I cold write her anytime and we can remain friends. I respect her wishes and left her alone for a few days, then I sent her a small text once in a while, just saying hello, hope you are doing well or hope your day at work is good. but she would never respond, I tried emailing but never a reply. A week later I had a family trauma, my Dad ended up in the hospital, I tried to contact her for a few days, asking to just talk to her that I needed to hear her voice, but no response, she finally called, I tried to talk to her about our relationship ending, I told her I miss her and want her back with me, but she responded with, she didn’t feel safe with me, she had no feelings for me, I asked her why she said and did all those things to make me feel like we were to be together, she said she tried, but then I asked why she told me she felt like she was falling in love with me, she denied saying this and hung up the phone.

I’m confused and depressed about this situation, how should I handle this, Thanks

The distance, her instability, and the range of emotional responses suggest that what you saw in this person was her potential, not her reality. I wouldn’t invest too much with someone on the other side of the globe who doesn’t respond to your emotional needs. Chalk it up to a learning experience and move on.

Often what makes a relationship attractive is the lack of availability of the other. We want what is unattainable. I don’t know if this is true in this case, but the variety of obstacles that are between you now makes it too difficult for you to keep trying.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan

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