Since I was younger child I recall having a weird episode at night that distracts me from sleeping; this involves surges of anger throughout my body. However I feel incredibly numb physically, and heavy in all of my body. To cope with this, when younger, I would kick and scream in my bed until I finally would “pass out” (or fall asleep without intending to.) Now, I harm myself through punching, scratching, cursing at myself etc until I repeat “passing out.” This doesn’t happen every night, it’s occasional — but I don’t know what it is and I’ve never had chance to speak about it to anyone, however I’m studying psychology and discovering about mental issues, and I would like to resolve whatever these “episodes” are, or at least understand them. I have already been diagnosed with depression; I feel I have underlying issues excluding depression which are more psychotic however again I haven’t spoken to anyone about them (including my therapist) as I am worried they may not believe me or I would look stupid in telling them what I feel and think.
These “episodes” I have are just an example of the psychotic behavior I sometimes display.
The “psychotic episodes” you have described are not the norm. It’s possible that you are not experiencing psychosis but rather a seizure, signs of a sleep disorder or another medical problem.
It’s important that these episodes are thoroughly investigated. Withholding this information from your therapist is a mistake. Your therapist can’t help you if you don’t report your symptoms.
I understand your fears but there’s nothing to “feel stupid” about. You are not deliberately causing these problems. If you had the power to make your episodes go away, you would have done so.
You should discuss these episodes with your therapist. Tell him or her all of the details. The more information you provide, the easier it will be to determine what’s wrong. Your therapist might suggest undergoing a medical evaluation. That would be a very wise idea.
Right now you are letting misplaced shame get in the way of your seeking help. Don’t ignore this any longer. Ask for help. Please take care.
Dr. Kristina Randle