Hello, I’ll just introduce myself as Mars.
I’m a 17 year old girl, currently focusing on my studies in College (health and Social care on the way to Nursing). Where to begin, exactly? When I was a child (about 4) I started seeing things, this one time I was looking out of the window and I saw a woman, a spirit-like woman floating in mid-air,staring at me and I tried to force myself to believe that it was a ghost and tried to forget about it. Just to add, I would hear voices (two people arguing) about the same thing although, their conversation were always a blur.
When I was about 6/7, I was taken to a funeral, It was my first time to experience a real life dead corpse laid out in front of my very eyes and at first I couldn’t even step inside of the house and when I did, i saw a glimpse of the corpse’s arm and after that, I was shocked. I never spoke until we got home, seeing half of the face of that woman in the coffin made me shiver, that night I saw her laying beside me, floating once again and a green shadowy smoke came off of her. Was it all hallucinations? Few years later (9 yrs old) I saw the same person when I was 4 passing by across the kitchen door and I checked and there was only a solid wall, so did it go through it? that’s impossible, right? So what was it?
Years later, when I was 12, I started self-harming because of me finding hard to trust people and always being suspicious. Bullying became an issue, I started having suicidal thoughts but because of friends and family, slowly and gradually I was able to get hold of myself. Also, I’ve noticed how my moods and emotions switched to high and low in just few weeks time. I would be ecstatic and very manic but also very irritable with everything, I would pull an all-nighter not purposely but because I can’t sleep, never sleep and would do random things like wave to everyone I see on the streets. Weeks later, I would depressed and lethargic, not being able to care about anything or about my health. I would lose my appetite.
And back to the present, I don’t hear voices or hallucinate that much but definitely feel like I’m being watched, insects in my body and always suspicious of everyone. Is that normal? I’ve had all the chances in the world to go up to a doctor and ask to be diagnosed but never had the courage because I’ve been told that’s it’s harder to find a job at this rate, it would be harder for people to accept me in because of my mental disorder (if i have one) because they might think, i’ll lose focus or hurt someone but I’ve never physically hurt someone unless its playfully.
In conclusion, what do you think is wrong with me? Is it just paranoia or am losing it? Traumatic event (but it doesn’t explain what I’ve hallucinate BEFORE the funeral) 6th sense? I’m very confuse, I always wake up begging for answers.
Thank you, please get back to. It’s urgent.
You may be experiencing paranoia or other symptoms that may indicate psychosis. These are not normal symptoms because most people don’t have them. They could indicate that a disorder is present.
What’s most important when dealing with a potential psychotic disorder, is early intervention. Study after study has shown that the earlier psychosis is treated, the better the prognosis. Whenever possible, psychosis should be prevented and that is possible with treatment.
It’s unclear what may have happened during your childhood. If you sustained trauma, perhaps that could explain your experiences. Research suggests that approximately 10% of the population experiences hallucinations throughout the course of their lives. These experiences, on their own, may or may not indicate that a disorder is present. We also know that some people experience things for which there is no easy understanding or explanation.
I would highly recommend consulting a mental health professional. You should have no fear about consulting a professional. They undergo many years of schooling learning about how to treat psychological problems for the sole purpose of helping people overcome these problems. They want to help you.
Your health records are completely, 100% private. This was not always the case but it is the case now, assuming you live in the United States. If you do not, check the laws in the country in which you live.
Gaining a diagnosis will not hinder your chances of work. In fact, it will only help your circumstances. Treatment will allow you to resume your life without the hassle of bothersome symptoms. It will free you to do what you want, to work wherever you want and to have a higher quality of life. Please take care.
Dr. Kristina Randle