From a young teen in the U.S.: For a while i’ve been depressed, over the usual things like self hate and dissconnect from friends. But later on I noticed one of the main sources of my depression, I feel like im not safe in my own head.
I’m a person who likes to argue for some reason, mostly I just want to be right, but I do this to myself a lot more than other people. If I find a moment of happiness a voice in my head questions me and if I’m really depressed and if I deserve to be happy. And the other voice always says in response that its right, I shouldn’t be having fun while i claim to be depressed.
But most of all, just today is what really concerns me, I think i snapped. I got out of the shower and sat in my room and did the usual stuff, but as usual a wave of hate blew over, probably triggered by my legs, and I hit myself and scratched my wrists as if to cut them (I didnt cut them and I never have, I bite and scratch) but I couldn’t find the wire I had, and freaked out, but all this time i was laughing to myself and smiling over how I really should just kill myself this time. Eventually I found something to scratch myself that left a mark, and i basically ignored it as usual by going on my phone.
I really just want to know if there is actually something wrong with me, like if I really should seek help.
Anyone who asks whether they need help already has the answer. You are smart enough to know that what is going on with you isn’t “normal” and that if it continues you will be in real trouble. I think that maybe you are not so much depressed as scared. If we were talking, I’d want to know how you are handling the entry into high school and the expectations that go with it.
The teen years can be very, very difficult, especially for sensitive people like you. Although it may feel that way, I assure you that you are not at all alone in being unsure and upset.
Please talk to your parents about how much difficulty you are having fitting in and finding your way. A few sessions with a counselor who specializes in adolescence will give you some new tools for coping with challenges and the reassurance you need to navigate the teen years.
I wish you well.