I’ve had social anxiety as long as I can remember, and I can remember back to pre-school. I did not get diagnosed until I was 17. A couple years before, I started experiencing moments in time where I felt like I wasn’t in reality. I felt as if my arms did not belong to me and that I was looking through someone else’s eyes. My surroundings would seem non-existent. I never told my therapist of these incidents.
I saw my therapist for nine months then quit and got off the medication she’d recommended. I felt I wasn’t getting what I needed from the therapy and I felt the drug did more harm than good. In college I learned techniques that worked well for me to start combating the social anxiety and although I do not have a job yet, i’m working towards it and at this moment feel confident I can be successful.
The problems started around my nineteenth birthday. I’ve always been moody, but I felt like I could switch between intense rage, depression, anxiety, and happiness all within a few minutes or a few hours in one day. I attributed these symptoms to my anxiety because I always attribute things to my anxiety. In my depression I harm myself or plan a suicide attempt. In my anger I run people off the road or tear apart the house, in my anxiety I can’t be around anyone, and when I’m “happy” nothing can phase me; I can talk freely to people without my social anxiety bothering me, I apply to a bunch of jobs and can finish chapters of homework within a few hours. ‘
Recently I’ve had trouble with what I consider internal voices. I don’t feel like it’s myself talking to me even those it’s internal. They’re often judgmental and derogatory, things I wouldn’t want to say in this post. My question is whether or not these symptoms seem like they can be attributed to a co-morbid disorder or if they too can be attributed to anxiety and depression? I want to return to therapy but am apprehensive of diagnosis.
A diagnosis is only useful if it provides a way of understanding the symptoms. I wouldn’t worry so much about what your condition is called, I’d concern myself more with symptom reduction. I encourage you to return to therapy and talk about your apprehension and concerned about the medicine. Trying to unravel all this without talking to your therapist will make it much more difficult.
Wishing you patience and peace,