Hi, I am 20 years old, and I am currently on my 3rd year of college, working part time, and planning a wedding. From the time I was little, up until now I felt as though something is not quite right with me….
~I have always had a hard time with deadlines. No matter when it is, I cannot make it. (since elementary school)
~I have always been withdrawn and have a hard time making friends.
~In elementary school, my mom said that during recess all of the girls would stand in a circle and talk, and I would stand outside the circle waiting for my friend to come play with me.
~I cannot express my feelings in words.
~I have had good grades up until now, (I’m smart). I have never studied (until college), and when I got to college I can’t study without being distracted, or daydreaming, or reading what I am studying over and over again, because its just not getting into my head. So, I naturally give up.
~When I am under stress, I shut everything out, and completely forget about what is stressing me…. (so, I have bad grades this semester).
~My test taking time is about 20 minutes to 30 minutes, no matter how many questions…. I always have to be moving on to the next thing.
~I can’t seem to enjoy the present… I am always focused on what comes next.
~I have a hard time talking to people, because I have a hard time putting what I am thinking/feeling into words, and tend to get frustrated…
~There are so many things going on in my life right now, I just don’t know which way is up or down.
~I have a fear of losing my love…. I get mad when he hangs with his buddies, because I fear he won’t come back.
~I get very jealous of other activities taking his attention from me…. I was invisible to my family growing up.
~When things aren’t going the way I would like, I feel as though it would be easier to those I love if weren’t around to bother them. (sometimes, dead)
~I blame everything on myself.
~I have always bit my nails, and pick my hair constantly. I get mad or burst into tears if someone tells me to stop… which, everyone does…. and secretly, I want to stop, and cry because I can’t seem to.
~I have a quick temper
~I forget everything
~I am flustered 90% of the time.
~there are a million things in my head
~I never finish projects, and I start a million at once.
~I think I can take on the world until I ultimately fail.
I feel as though I am a crazy lunatic sometimes, and I am so tired of feeling this way. I want help, but I cannot afford it. I want to feel better about myself, and I know if I don’t start being more optimistic and get rid of my bad habits I will lose my love. I don’t want to feel this way anymore…Someone please help me!
I believe you are dealing with several issues including low self-esteem, pessimism, procrastination, anxiety and possibly attention deficit disorder. You mentioned that sometimes you feel like a “crazy lunatic” but the truth is all of these issues are very common. The good news is that very effective treatments exist to help you deal with these problems.
Therapy can be affordable. The two main low-cost options for therapy are local community mental health centers (CMHCs) and your university counseling center. CMHCs may charge a sliding-scale fee, which essentially means that they negotiate a payment plan based on what the patient can afford. University counseling centers offer free counseling to all of their students. Usually, a student is eligible for up to 10 to 12 free counseling sessions per year. You may also want to call the local health department to inquire about what low-cost or free mental health services are available in your community. Explain your situation. They should be able to direct you to the appropriate resources, if available.
I would also suggest calling the United States Department of Health and Human Services National Mental Health Information Center, at 800-789-2647. They may be able to direct you to free or low-cost mental health counseling in your community. You may also be able to locate affordable therapy services by clicking on the “find help” tab at the top of this page.
To help deal with the attention deficit problems, you may want to contact your local primary care physician and inquire about the possibility of a stimulant drug trial. Stimulants are medications designed to treat attention deficit disorders. You can work with your physician to determine which medication, if any, would be appropriate for you. To improve your study habits, contact the university career center. University career services centers typically offer services such as study groups, seminars to teach better study habits, exam preparation, time management, stress management, etc. Many students find these services very helpful and you might too.
To help decrease your anxiety and increase more balanced thinking, I would recommend reading four books: The Feeling Good Handbook and Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy Revised and Updated, both by David Burns; Motivation and Personality by Abraham Maslow, and The Road Less Traveled by M. Scott Peck. These books may serve as useful guides for how to change and improve your thinking. They can also help you to learn healthier models of thinking and behaving. These books are most likely available at your school library. They are very good.
I wish you the best of luck. Please take care.
Dr. Kristina Randle