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Something Wrong With Me?

by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW

I don’t know wat’s wrong with me. i am only 16 and yet i feel so stressed out and depressed. i don’t know wat to do or wat to think.

for one, im not happy with myself. i feel like im so fat when i know im not at all 91lbs 5 ft. if i lose a lb i became upset and over eat to gain back that lb. but if i gain a kb i ‘d starve myself so that i can lose that extra lb. i just hate that feeling of havign to count calories and not be able to read wat ever i want and b so upset if i eat too much.

i let this get to me so much, it changes my mood and everything. it can make me from being happy to upset. im so sensitive that i let everyhting gets to me even if the little thing. i just feel so stupid for get mad at the little thingd but then i just can’t help it. i’d feel happy in a sec then all upset and give ppl attitude the next. in school my friend asked me y am i smile and laugh all the time. but then when im in my room at night, i’d cry so much n sometimes i just cry for no reason.

i look at everything so negatively idk how but everyone around me said that i do. i’ve always thought that i ahndle thigns pretty good but somehow ppl don’t like it. im just guessing it was my fault then .idk. lately i just see myself as a very selfish person. i love receiving but i hate giving out wether its money or just a faovr or being nice. i feel like my family don’t give me enough attention and care. bbut yet i know for a fact that i don’t to them neither. so y does it bothers me so much. i know it is not right to b selfish n u much give b4 u can recieve but how come i just don’t want to give any.
i jsut feel so much pain right now b/c i just got so much comment on pple telling me that i done somethign wrong n have been disresprctful. but then how could iwhen i get pissed off at them b/c they didn’t do wat they promise to me. i just feel so wrong n jsut want to get out of this world. i feel so much pain in me n i can’t let it out. i often wanted to b alone b/c i don’t want to upset the ppl around me n dislike them b/c i know they will piss me off somehow. so i tried to sty away from them n just get some peace time. but then at the asame time, im seperating myself from them which me im not as close anymore. but if im close, i’d hurt them somehow n i just don’t know wat to do. help me.

You seem to be dealing with many confusing thoughts and feelings. Sometimes you feel that you’re overweight and this upsets you. It leads you to starve yourself which of course is unhealthy for you. You must realize that being 5 feet tall and 91 pounds in no way means that you are overweight. According to the Body Mass Index (BMI) chart you are actually underweight. You seem to be viewing yourself in a distorted way.

There are studies of individuals with eating disorders conducted in hospital settings. Those studies have shown that it’s not uncommon for individuals with eating disorders to see themselves as being overweight but view other individuals in the group as being too thin. They are able to correctly determine that others are too thin but they’re unable to accurately perceive their own weight. I’m not suggesting that you have an eating disorder but you do seem to have a distorted view of your weight.

You have also described feeling emotionally unstable. This is a lot for an individual to be dealing with alone.

I’m wondering if there’s anyone you can talk to about what you are experiencing. If you haven’t done this already please go to your parents about these issues. They will likely be able to help you, either by offering you advice or perhaps by making you an appointment with a mental health professional. If you don’t feel as though you could go to your parents then I would ask you to think about who else you could speak to. Is there a guidance counselor or clergyman you would feel comfortable speaking to?

I think overall the best place for you to start is with your parents and to let them know what you wrote about in this letter. All the issues you mentioned can be properly dealt with but it begins with you openly and honestly talking about what you’ve been experiencing. Please take care.

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