It takes a cataclysmic life event for this facade that I’ve constructed to fall to pieces. I’ve built an entire persona based off lies. And in the day to day, I couldn’t distinguish what is real. It took destroying a relationship to realize. And even now,I have to yell “No” to the voice in my head that’s already trying to convince me that I tried to slam into a guard rail. Just another story to lie about to the people I care about. I’m not sure how much more of being this thing I’ve become that I can take. I’ve tried therapy, but it’s all been for nothing so far. I just want to stop hurting people. I want to stop feeling like everything I touch turns to ash. Thanks.
There are many reasons for lying to yourself and others, but the correction for this is something you have already displayed. There is a you that is a witness to these lies. A you that reported them here, and a you that desperately wants to change. This part of you is the part that can ultimately make better decisions, manage relationships, and find something authentic to be proud of.
I would highly recommend a therapist skilled in cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT). He or she can help you start dismantling these lies and use your courage to move to a more honest and authentic life.
Wishing you patience and peace,