So about 3 years ago i pretty much found God. Before that, i was not religious at all. I was always a good person however. After i found God i feel like my mind opened up to a whole new world like i became more aware of the world and everything like a brick hit me in my face. I became a much better person thank god. But it also came along with other things like being paranoid, i always think people are talking bad about me. I also find i can’t really communicate with people like i use to only certain people i can talk to and its very.very few. Im constantly always thinking about life and the here after and god but life mostly. How i found god was so unexpected and i wish it didn’t happen that way cause now to add to my problems im suffering from a broken heart. I converted for a guy, but actually started believing in everything i was learning. Im glad i found god and Im glad to see the changes i needed to make with myself no doubt, but it came along with negative things. Social problems, always worrying, constantly thinking about stuff just stuff random stuff and life, a bit paranoid. I also have mood swings.from time to time. Sometimes i get happy and when i notice Im happy i feel bad about it and kinda get sad, that’s happened since before though. Im not the same person i use to be some for better but some for.worse, i try telling myself Im going through changes and i will find myself , i know Im not crazy and it sucks cause i feel like some people who know what’s going on think i am crazy and Im scared Im being pushed.to just be by myself, in scared.this will be a problem to where i.can’t.get.married or.have any friends. I thought all i needed to do was talk about.it and it seems to help but now i feel like my friends are getting tired of listening even my family. And i don’t want to bother them or run them away. I just want to be okay. I don’t want to go back to how i use to be. I use to smoke marijuana too overnight for years straight but stopped a few months ago.thank god. I use to be able to handle it now when i smoke i.get so paranoid and worry so i just stopped all together.thank god. I just want to know what’s wrong with me? I want to know if i went crazy? Can i save myself?
It is difficult to know what might be wrong. When you became aware of God, something about that new awareness may have frightened you. Perhaps you became aware of how fragile life truly is.
You might also be experiencing a type of existential anxiety. There are many definitions but generally speaking, existential anxiety refers to the anxiety one feels when they become aware of their being and the possibility of non-being (death).
It is difficult to know with certainty what may have happened but it seems that a definite change has occurred. As you stated, some of the changes were good and some were not. You did not explain the good changes. The changes that concern you include: paranoia, anxiety, mood swings, and difficulty interacting with friends and family.
Among others, one specific question you asked is whether you can save yourself. The answer is yes. The proper way to handle this situation is to be evaluated by a mental health professional. An evaluation can determine if your symptoms are indicative of a mental health disorder. Anxiety and paranoia do not develop in a vacuum. It is important to determine their origin and to develop a plan of action. The good news is that your symptoms can be treated with talk therapy, medication or both.
Consider choosing a therapist who is familiar with your faith or who is spiritually oriented. Many mental health professionals incorporate faith and spirituality into their practices. Interview several therapists and choose the one that you feel the most comfortable with. The “find help” tab at the top of this page can help you find a mental health professional in your community. You may only need a few sessions to address your concerns. I wish you the best. Please take care.
Dr. Kristina Randle