Hi. Recently, my mind has been freaking me out more than usually. I used to take all my simplest thoughts and actions for granted, but as I sat and remember through everything I went through, I felt something was off because:
1. I realized I take great fascination in human kind. No, I don’t consider myself very sociable, in fact I tend to avoid any type of socializing at all if I could. It’s more like…I am awed by how the human mind works. And this resulted me to often play around with their emotions. It’s funny to think that humans are basically controlled with a few buttons. You press red and they’re angry. You press blue then they’re sad. Basically lack of empathy perhaps.
2. I am very ambitious. And I realized that I literally take every way to reach what I want, and sometimes it involved backstabbing my own few close friends. And somehow I’m fine with that.
3. I think of myself way more superior than the others. I am considered very smart in my school with an IQ of above 140, I always ace the grades, and I probably have narcissistic tendencies. I’m very arrogant, and I’m the douche kid type that you probably see with chin up and an extremely rude sarcastic behavior.
4. I thought these as sheer coincidence initially, but it turned out to be something more. I INSISTED to become uh, three specific occupations that I will not detail in for it may give too much of myself. I thought I wanted to help people only. But then I realized I could help people with various of ways. What made this jobs so special? I realized that all three involves people begging to me to save them and loads of emotional aspect from them.
5. I am addicted to adrenaline. No, not drugs, just that I really enjoy moments where it involves suspense way too much because I don’t like getting bored.
I would love to talk all day, but there’s apparently a word limit. At first all these seemed normal…until pieced together. Kinda creepy. Not proud with most of these but…eh.
Alright. To be honest I don’t really know if I need or want help or anything…but at least I want to KNOW. Am I, I don’t know, the next Hannibal Lecter perhaps?
Thanks. (From Indonesia)
I wouldn’t pathologize your thoughts or ambition. There isn’t much you’ve said that makes you that unusual for your age and intelligence level — and certainly not psychotic or insane.
What needs to happen next is for you to find something to that has meaning and value for you to do. A high IQ needs to be matched with the proper challenge. Find a setting that demands more from you and learn about how to develop relationships as you achieve your goals — not destroying them. You may do well to learn more about your positive traits. I’d encourage you to take this survey for your age level and use the results to enhance these characteristics.
Wishing you patience and peace,