For years I have struggled with depression. Sometime it overpowers my life and cost me so much. I have left jobs over it, not being able to function in my roll. It effects my personal relationships with family, friends, and lovers. I have tried counlsoring and meds. The meds make me sick and do not drive away the thoughs of ending my own life. It seems like that all I think about some days and dream about every night. I recently became engaged but can’t seem to deal with the stress surrounding the marriage. I am ready to bolt. I can’t handle this. I want to escape. I fight with him over everything, I have no idea why he stays. I need help but have no income do to leaving my lastest job over this problem. What can I do?
It would be best to seek professional help in your situation. I know that you have tried before and money may be an issue now but there are options. One option is to see a therapist in a community mental health setting. Usually, community mental health centers offer sliding scale fees. In addition, depending on your level of income, you may be eligible for free services.
Another option is to consider a depression support group. Your local community mental health center may offer such a group. Some individuals prefer group treatment over individual treatment.
I would also suggest continuing to try different antidepressant medications. Many people find that they have to try a variety of medications before finding the right medication or the right combination of medications. Trial and error with medications is often part of the healing process.
Depending on your employer, you may be eligible for treatment through their employee assistance program (EAP). Many large employers have EAPs. EAP programs offer free, short-term counseling with trained psychotherapists. That may be one way to access treatment when you otherwise may not be able to afford it.
Before you make any major decisions about how to handle your relationship, meet with a therapist or a couples therapist. As you stated, you have the strong desire to “escape” but that would be the incorrect way to handle the situation. It may be the easier choice at this point in time but it would only make the situation worse. In addition, it would likely increase your feelings of depression. It may also seriously damage or possibly end your relationship with your fiancée. Resist the urge to flee the situation and seek help immediately. The find help tab, at the top of this page, can help you find a mental health professional in your community. Please take care.
Dr. Kristina Randle