I hear voices and they are constant, derogatory and they literally make me feel like I am going to do something extremely crazy like self mutilate myself because they take control of me. The other day I spent the night at a friends house and I woke up and came out of the room and was like I am god and you are all going to listen to me, however I fell back to sleep and don’t recall doing that, but I do at times claim to be of a higher power or that the devil speaks to me and makes me do all these insane things. Anyhow I had to go in for my A1C testing for my diabetes in which I don’t control because the insulin makes me feel like someone is cutting my insides out no matter what type they put me on, and the doctor says pills won’t work that I have to take insulin. I proceeded to tell him about the hallucinations and delusions and he tried blaming them on diabetes and then I went all psychotic on him and told him that he was the one conspiring against me with the government that planted this chip in my brain that controls all my behaviors of what I say or do and act and that he was the one coming after me etc. He left the room and he had a nurse come in and talk with me and I told her I was like don’t you even jump to conclusions thinking that this is all from diabetes, the hallucinations yes they could be but I believe there is more going on than just that. I proceeded to tell her that the first time I heard the voices was back when I was 12 years old, and that back in October when they put me in the hospital and had my glucose levels regulated that the voices and delusions were still there but i refused to acknowledge that they were an issue. I then told her exactly what I had told the doctor about believing I am being controlled by this chip in my brain that him and the government planted there and she then suggested that maybe going to a different psych doctor or even into a mental health hospital wouldn’t be a bad idea, because there is obviously something wrong, which I have been trying to tell them for the past couple visits but they refuse to listen to me. I also told her how I have attempted suicide and how i feel that life isn’t worth living, but then again when you have voices telling you to go kill yourself, commit suicide, self mutilate yourself etc and you have no control over how you think or act of course your going to act on things like that.
You have very disruptive symptoms but it is good that you are aware of them. Many individuals experiencing delusions and hallucinations aren’t aware that symptoms are present. In many respects, it is hopeful news. Being aware of your symptoms means that you can do something about them.
You attempted to discuss your psychiatric symptoms with the doctor who is treating your diabetes. The physician and nurse urged you to go to a hospital. They probably recognized the need to be seen by a psychiatrist or other mental health professional. I would agree with their advice. You should go to a hospital.
At the hospital, report your symptoms. Tell them about the voices. Report exactly what the voices are telling you to do. Report your belief that individuals are conspiring to harm you and that you have a desire to self-mutilate. The more information you can provide about your symptoms the more they can help you.
The hospital can provide a psychiatric evaluation and if necessary, hospitalization and treatment. Please do not hesitate to go to the hospital. Given the seriousness of your symptoms, it is imperative that you receive help as soon as possible. Call 911 or the local mental health crisis team if you feel overwhelmed or if you are unsure how to proceed. I wish you the best. Please take care.
Dr. Kristina Randle