I hate me. I hate how I can carry on a conversation by myself in my head for hours on end, but the moment I actually communicate with another human being, I become lost and depressed. I believe I over-analyze every aspect of my life and cause myself to contract from society. I feel as though I cannot trust anyone, ever. The things that interest me should not interest a 15-year old boy.I live 9 miles away from any of my friends, and my parents were usually at work most of the time. That led me to video games, which I can now spend 16 hours nonstop playing, but I am sad every moment I am alone. The rest of the world makes me feel like I have to be right or otherwise the whole system is messed up. The only time I feel happy is when I am the worst or lowest because I would rather be expected to be wrong, than expected to be right; even then I am not happy. I guess I am doomed to be alone in my thoughts for the rest of my life…
You are not “doomed.” Life is difficult for you now but it will not always be this way. I would encourage you to be with others whenever possible. Do not isolate yourself. Isolation can exacerbate depression. Being in the presence of others will allow you to practice your social skills and it can distract you from negative or depressing thoughts.
Consider becoming involved with social activities, including: clubs, sporting events, camping or joining a group, etc. The idea is to involve yourself in activities that foster a connection with others or that will decrease the amount of time spent alone. The less time you spent alone the better you will feel. Other ways to distract yourself from negative thinking and to promote self-growth include: watching movies, reading books, writing in a journal, writing fiction stories, painting, drawing, and so forth.
I would also encourage you to speak to your parents about how you are feeling. They may be able to help but can’t if they are unaware that a problem exists. If the problem continues, ask your parents to take you to a therapist. The therapist can assist you with social skill development and he or she can determine if you have depression. I wish you the best of luck. Please take care.
Dr. Kristina Randle