From India: I have never been in a relationship. When I was 18 my cousin was 11, we had consensual sex(I did not penetrate), we did that for about a year, her breasts were quite developed at that time, so I was attracted to her. But I always felt guilty after doing it as she was very innocent at that age. Later on and even today I feel that I really love her, I am a Christian and first cousins are allowed to marry in Christianity.
So I really to want to marry her, but I’m afraid to tell her that. I sometimes feel that I am a pedophile or just a freak, my friends also say that she is too young for me. I get depressed thinking about all this. When some other girls bend and I am able to see their cleavage I turn my face away, I don’t want any other girl in my life I just want my first cousin as my wife. I feel after having sex with her I fallen in love with her and that there is a connection between us, a bond, so I want her to be my wife. Now she is 15. I still kiss her with all my love on her eyes and cheeks and gently hold her arms. But I think she takes it me a brother. Have I gone mad?
I don’t know if you’ve gone mad. But I do think you should be in jail. What you did to your cousin is illegal in most parts of the world and for good reason. At 11, she was not able to give consent. You took advantage of her. It seems to me that what you are calling love is your attempt to justify what you did. At 15, she’s still too young to consent and may be so confused by what happened that she doesn’t know how to end contact with you entirely. The best she’s been able to do is not respond to your advances.
Get out of her life. Get yourself some treatment. If you really love her, admit what you did to her parents so they can get her the therapy she probably needs.