Home Tags Posts tagged with "PTSD"
Tag:

PTSD

AnxietyDepressionIllegal drugs/alcohol abusePTSDTrauma

Own Life Falling Apart while Coping with Partner with PTSD Anxiety & Depression

by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW
written by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW

Dear Doctor: I hope that you can help. I guess my question is how to help me cope with this situation. My partner (f) was diagnosed with PTSD last year following childhood abuse & traumas. In connection with this she does struggle to live her life, but she is getting help, both therapy cognitive and medication including anti psychs, pills for depression and anxiety.

Now I support best I can but life has been incredibly hard for us both. One thing that does not get addressed is myself and my life. I feel like I have been rolled flat by a steam roller. I feel anxious; I feel that home life is always out of control (I do all work at home as well as keeping her many projects running)

Things are so bad that I try develop coping mechanisms; I have been drinking quite regular and often feel the need. I never have a minute to myself and I have started disappearing for a coffee secretly, or not going to work. In fact my work has suffered greatly, I just go there and sit in my office and pretend to work, it’s like that’s my time, my quiet time. I basically don’t do any of the things I used to enjoy at all, I do not feel that I am me.

I am worried about things because if I break, our whole life will come crashing down on us. I just feel so anxious over time. I can’t concentrate and really things are suffering as a result. I would be most grateful of a helpful word.

Getting help should have made the situation better, not worse. Understandably, you’re stressed because of your partners’ problems.

You need to protect your own mental health. Your own mental health needs to be a priority.

Drinking and disappearing are avoidance tactics. You can run from your problems but only for so long. They will catch up with you. It’s better to treat them now rather than later, when they are worse and more complicated.

You should consult a mental health professional. Therapy could be tremendously helpful for you. It can provide guidance for your relationship and teach you how to appropriately deal with your problems. It is the best solution.

Drinking and disappearing might temporarily anesthetize your pain, but ultimately they will lead to more problems. Take control by seeking help. You don’t have to do it alone. Let trained professionals assist you. That’s their job.

If you continue to avoid these problems, your life will almost certainly suffer and that’s precisely what you are trying to avoid. You are trying to help your partner but you need to find a professional who can help you to help your partner. Obviously, you are suffering and suffering greatly. There is a limit to what you are physically and mentally able to do. You cannot exceed those limits, except in short bursts. A professional can help you to learn your limits. Please take care.

Dr. Kristina Randle

0 comment
0 FacebookTwitterPinterestEmail
AnxietyBipolarDissociative Identity Disorder (DID)PsychosisPTSDSuicide

Constantly Changing Diagnoses

by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW
written by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW

I was first diagnosed in 2008 after I had been hearing voices for a little under a year. After 1 1/2 to 2 years I was stabilized with meds. No voices. Only a couple of suicide attempts. I then had a baby. About a year and 1/2 later, voices returned. Even more evil and cruel than before. Medication is not working for them, but makes it slightly more tolerable. My diagnosis has gone from bipolar with psychosis, schizoaffective, severe separation anxiety, PTSD, dissociation, and probably more. Can dissociation and anxiety really cause very real voices? They pick on absolutely everything, accuse me of horrible things, humiliate me, threaten to torture and murder me, constantly tell me their real, ask the same things over and over for 2 years now, tell me I’m psychic, etc.. why won’t this end? I’m in therapy and see a psychiatrist regularly. What could be going on? Why do they constantly talk sometimes begging for me to kill myself? It’s not tolerable at all. I can barely do anything anymore. Sometimes now I end up responding out loud in public, only to realize I probably look crazy, then panic attacks start. Please help me.

I’m so sorry for what you’re experiencing. There was a time when you were stable. That’s proof that at one time medication worked to eliminate the voices. Are you still taking that same medication? Try to think back to that time when you were stable. What was different about your life and what contributed to your stability? Answering those questions may be key to finding a solution to this current problem.

The medication you are currently taking is not working, but that may be because you are on the wrong dose, the wrong combination of medications or you need to try a new medication. It’s not uncommon that medication needs to be adjusted.

It’s good that you’re in therapy and have a psychiatrist. I’m not certain how much you are telling them about your symptoms. They need to know what you’re experiencing, in great detail. I would strongly encourage you to tell them about the voices, especially your psychiatrist, who can adjust your medications. Typically, the treatment for hearing voices is medication but therapy might also help.

You are experiencing anxiety, which may be exacerbating the voices. If your therapist could assist you in decreasing your stress levels, and thus your level of anxiety, your symptoms would likely diminish.

It might also be advantageous for you to undergo a medical evaluation to rule out an organic cause. On rare occasions, psychiatric symptoms, such as hallucinations, are the result of an organic brain disorder. Discuss the possibility of your having a medical evaluation with both your therapist and psychiatrist.

If there’s ever a time in which you feel that you might harm yourself or someone else, then go straight to the emergency room. The hospital staff can keep you safe and treat your symptoms accordingly. Your safety and the safety of others is of paramount importance. Please take care.

Dr. Kristina Randle

0 comment
0 FacebookTwitterPinterestEmail
GeneralSchizophrenia

When Does Schizophrenia Show Up in Women?

by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW
written by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW

Both of my parents are mentally ill, my mother suffering from Schizophrenia and my father from Manic Depression. Both of my parents had regular auditory hallucinations and paranoia.

At 21, I’ve yet to suffer from any of their symptoms, but have been struggling with PTSD and related anxiety. Since I was aware enough to know my parents were ill, I’ve constantly monitored myself to make sure I wasn’t sick like they were.

From reading on this site and others, it appears that Schizophrenia shows up in women later than men. Could someone please talk about this more? Since I’m a 21 year old woman, I’d like to know if it’s possible for me to still develop Schizophrenia (though I show no signs of it now and haven’t in the past). I also just want to know at what age can I finally relax and know I’m past the threshold.

You are correct. Schizophrenia does tend to occur later in women than in males. The average age range for a female to develop schizophrenia is roughly ages 25-29 (18-21 in males). The reasons for the age difference between genders are not well understood.

Not every male or female who ultimately develops schizophrenia does so within the above-mentioned age range averages. Males can develop schizophrenia later than late- adolescence and females may get it sooner than their late twenties.

But you must know that just because both of your parents had a mental illness in no way means that you will be mentally ill. One does not necessarily lead to the other. It is true that people whose parents have a mental illness are at a greater risk for the development of a mental illness. Heredity does seem to play a role but there are many more factors that contribute to the development of a psychiatric illness.

The environment an individual grows up in can affect whether or a not a disorder develops. The majority of people with schizophrenia, for instance, report childhood physical, sexual or mental abuse. This is not to say that all people who are abused go on to develop schizophrenia. This is clearly not the case. But in some instances, the abuse could have possibly contributed to the development of the disease. Maybe if these individuals had never been exposed to abuse they may not have developed schizophrenia.

Drug use can also play a role in the development of schizophrenia. Drug use is commonly associated with schizophrenia, as well as bipolar disorder. I am familiar with a case in which a “normal” young adult male spent his weekend using LSD. By the end of the weekend, his LSD “high” never wore off. He never returned to his “normal” state of mind and subsequently suffered many psychotic breaks and was later diagnosed with schizophrenia. No one can be sure that his drug use definitely led to schizophrenia but it is a distinct possibility.

You are not doomed to develop the disease just because your parents did. You mentioned you have some other psychiatric issues, such anxiety and PTSD but neither of these are signs of schizophrenia. You also mentioned you have no other symptoms that would lead you to believe that you have the disorder. Please know that realistically, your chances of developing schizophrenia are very slim.

It’s unhealthy for you to constantly worry about this issue. By constantly focusing on this fear, you are keeping it alive and helping it to grow. If you do continually worry about this, it would be helpful for you to contact a therapist. You may feel better if you had someone you can discuss these fears with. A therapist can also help you with your anxiety issues as well as the PTSD. I hope this helps.

0 comment
0 FacebookTwitterPinterestEmail
AbuseAnger ManagementDepressionFamilyGeneralTherapyTrauma

Childhood Trauma? (I Don’t Know What’s Wrong with Me)

by Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP
written by Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

I don’t know what’s wrong with me. My parents are divorced. I moved to this country. My brother moved back to England to be with my dad. My mum and step-dad were alcoholics and my step-brothers were mean. I think I might have abandonment PTSD, but I have no abandonment issues. I was technically abused but it was neglect mostly and doesn’t feel worthy of being called abuse. My mother is kind of a child, I’ve spent most of my life since I was 10 or 13 looking after her, especially after her second divorce. In which I sometimes had to put her to bed. I was often a mediator between her and my stepfather. The pair cried to me rather often. When they divorced, my step dad told me he’d still be here for me if I needed him, but I recently tried to reconnect with him to no avail. I understand that “I’m here for you” is never a sentence for the recipient but rather the speaker, to make them feel good. I understand that people are self-centered and small-minded. I had a history of instigating chaos by constantly breaking the law, trespassing, stealing, vandalism. I’m well behaved now, but I still have memories and old pains of my youth. All of the times people said they’d be there for me. My attempted suicide. My mother’s attempted suicide. The time when I was dragged up the stairs by my hair. The rumors in middle school that lead to people fearing me for no reason, and the times that I let the rumors change me, and I hurt people. The boyfriend who gunned me down with a bb gun, almost blinding me, and on a separate occasion (after breaking up) the time that he threw a chair at me. My best friend who left me because I’m “childish, spend too much time with my boyfriend, and disrespect my mother”. My mother who actually assaulted my boyfriend once. Man, she would get so out of her face sometimes that she… A couple of times back at my stepdads, she would barge into my room (she did that a lot) and throw suitcases on the floor, demanding that I pack so that we’d leave, but I, a 13-year-old, knew better than to get in the car with a drunk. On many occasions, I barricaded myself in my room, hid in my closet, or on the roof. I sometimes went without food because my step brothers ate everything. I had my own secret pantry of snacks and I was still underweight. I don’t know, I’m just throwing out all the information I think could use some help.

It is time to become more self-sufficient by getting a job and planning on moving out. At 20 years old you need to have some plans and a direction for your life that doesn’t involve your highly dysfunctional family. I would also highly recommend some therapy as you sort through your options and pull these plans together.

It might take you a while — even a year or so — but you need to have a plan to become more independent.

0 comment
0 FacebookTwitterPinterestEmail
BorderlinePTSDSchizophreniaTherapyTrauma

Delusions

by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW
written by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW

I have ptsd and borderline. This winter, I had a phase of four months in which I had delusions. The delusions entailed having somebody else’s presence in my head, up to the point where this presence (while being in my head) wanted to kill me or wanted me to kill myself.

People have suggested schizophrenia but I’m certain I don’t have that, because I don’t switch between personalities. I just feel like people (they’re always people who already exist) get into my head and then “take over”. Is there any recognized disorder with this symptom?

It’s important to correct a common myth about schizophrenia. Some people believe that people with schizophrenia have split personalities, like the famous fictional characters Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. They seem to be confusing dissociative identity disorder (DID) with schizophrenia. Individuals with schizophrenia do not have split personalities.

DID and schizophrenia are two distinctly different disorders. The essential features of DID are memory loss, amnesia and multiple non-integrated personalities. People with schizophrenia do not have those symptoms. They commonly experience delusions, hallucinations and paranoia. Psychosis can cause someone to behave abnormally, and it can alter their personality. The changes in behavior and personality caused by psychosis might be why some people continue to believe in the idea of “split personalities” among people with schizophrenia.

In your case, you believe that you experienced a delusion. Delusions are a symptom of schizophrenia, but if it were your only symptom you would not receive a diagnosis of schizophrenia. A schizophrenia diagnosis requires at least two major psychotic symptoms, that are present for the majority of one month.

Delusions are associated with delusional disorder, bipolar disorder, brief psychotic disorder and other related psychotic disorders.

It’s possible that you did not experience a delusion. It may have been paranoia or a dissociative symptom related to your current diagnosis. Dissociative symptoms, such as depersonalization and derealization, are associated with both posttraumatic stress disorder and borderline personality disorder.

My recommendation is to consult your treating mental health professionals. They have intimate knowledge of your psychosocial history and can offer suggestions about treatment, if necessary. It’s important for your treatment team to be aware of all symptom changes and concerns. Please take care.

0 comment
0 FacebookTwitterPinterestEmail
AbuseBullyingDepressionParenting & ChildrenPTSDRelationshipsSchoolSelf-esteemTrauma

I Don’t Know What’s Wrong

by Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP
written by Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

I’m pretty much not very happy. I feel extremely lonely. I live with a grandma who constantly complains how she hates that I don’t do much, has high expectations, tells me I’m unable to go live on my own, and tells me my change of hair is bad. I stopped being close with my sisters at about. 13 years old. And I’m not close to any family. I don’t have friends, just occasional acquaintances at school. So needless to say, I am pretty alone and don’t get out of the house much at all. I’ve been bullied much of my life(at school)- 10th and 11th was by far the worst. I feel very insecure and self conscious now- I’ve turned into sort of a perfectionist and develop high expectations of myself. I feel overwhelmed and frustrated from small mistakes and I’m hard on myself. I don’t shower much or take care of my general health like I know I should; it’s become hard to do it regularly. I also don’t enjoy many things.. at least from what I experienced. 2 years ago (and beyond), I really enjoyed drawing, talking to people online through games, designing websites. I take no interest in any of it anymore. My days consist of school, YouTube videos, occasional comic reading, and looking up diets I always give up on anyways. Waking up even though I wish I could sleep forever.

Most of my sadness either comes in random, short waves through the day or at night. At least I think it’s sadness? It’s like-my heart sinks like when you cry, I feel uncomfortable and weak/heavy, and bad thoughts rush through my head a little. What’s odd is that I’ve sort of taken comfort in my sadness. I sometimes even want something to be wrong with me. I sometimes think none of my feelings are real and I only feel these things for attention, or even my thoughts and even memories aren’t real or they’re exaggerated. Because I feel normal a lot of the time, then don’t… I lie a lot to people; of course I would lie to myself.I just wish I didn’t feel anything at all. I don’t want to live but at the same time I do. I’m stuck in constant discomfort and refuse to help myself. Maybe I hate myself that much or maybe I don’t deserve it. (From the USA)

 I respect the difficulty and you reaching out to find an answer. You are a courageous person for looking at what ails you. I would talk to one of your school counselors about the bullying. School counselors are now trained in helping student cope with this. I know it is a lot to ask, but you have taken the first step here — and you deserve to feel better. Talk to the counselors so that he or she can help you unravel what is going on. The thoughts and feelings you are having are not random. They are a direct result of the bullies and your situation with your grandmother. You deserve to feel better. Any thoughts other wise are just reactions to the difficult people you have had to deal with. Talk to the counselor today.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan

0 comment
0 FacebookTwitterPinterestEmail
AbusePTSDSexTherapyTrauma

Mood Swings & Depression After Sexual Issues in Past Relationship

by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW
written by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW

I don’t know whats wrong with me.

I was a virgin when I met my ex-husband. Our sex life was bad. He treated me badly outside of sex. He was critical and yelled at me and threatened to leave me. Sexually, he pressured me to do things I didn’t want to do-doggy style and anal sex. I agreed because he pressured me so much and would guilt trip me and tell me he wouldn’t do things I liked if I didn’t agree to do those. Those two things hurt me, and I would tell him, but he wouldn’t stop.

Is there something wrong with me that I can never have sex from behind or anal sex ever again? I now suffer from mood swings and lash out at people.

I’m not sure why you would think there’s anything “wrong” with you for not wanting to engage in a certain style of sex. Perhaps your view of sexuality has been tainted by the prevalence of pornography. That’s probably true for many people. Entire generations are now learning about sex by viewing pornography. For many people, porn has become the new sex ed. The problem with this is that much of the pornography is unrealistic and overly harsh towards women. Perhaps that is why you think that there something “wrong with you.”

One of the biggest increases in sexual behavior appears to be anal sex. For example, a study in 1992 revealed that 16% of women age 18 to 24 said they tried anal sex. In 2016, another study revealed that 20% of women 18 to 19 have tried it and by ages 20 to 24, 40% have tried it. The rise in interest is likely influenced by pornography. Studies also show that it’s mainly males who are pushing for anal sex. They expected females to endure it, though studies consistently show that females report it as painful. Both males and females blamed females for the discomfort associated with anal sex, upset that they were unable to “relax.”

It seems like the relationship with your ex-husband may have been damaging. If so, consider counseling to help you address any potential problems. You might choose a therapist who specializes in posttraumatic stress and/or depression. Thank you for your question. Please take care.

Dr. Kristina Randle

0 comment
0 FacebookTwitterPinterestEmail
AbuseGeneralPTSDRelationships

My Spouse Wants Me Dead

by hrcounts
written by hrcounts

I ran across an email confession from my spouse. My spouse talked about all the things I do that piss them off. How I am a dead beat and how my ptsd is just an excuse and how they feel trapped in doing anything because of it. Talked about the times I tried to commit suicide about it, about how they wanted to leave me due to my ptsd. But told that they know if they told me they wanted a divorce then they would lose the house, because i own the house. There was a lot of anger in the email, lots of perception that they had that wasn’t 100% true. Lots of resentment towards me. This i am sharing is the confession they wrote to their friends after bitching badly about me.

(My confession after all this bitching though, is that I wish he would kill himself. I’m sure I would be devastated at first, but I just want to be me again, and I don’t want his lazy rear end to drag anyone else down, really. I almost feel that it would be easier. The settlement check would still come to pay my parents back, I wouldn’t have to worry about having a roof over my head or having to take care of any of his new medical bills, other than what we already owe. I am probably a horrible person, but his ptsd is starting to feel more like an excuse to abuse me on purpose instead of a reason on why he abuses me on accident. He no longer functions in society or our relationship (except when he wants sex), and although I want him gone, I know I’m the only person that will miss him.)

I was so shocked when I seen this. I asked her about this. She freaked out and started crying, telling me she didn’t want me dead and for us to work out. I am so confused, numb, hurt and scared. I love her so much. She never told me how she felt about anything. I found out this way. So lost. (age 37, from US)

It is unfortunate that you found out how your wife is feeling in such a shocking and painful manner, but at least now you know. It sounds like your marriage is in serious trouble. Chances are that she was just venting to a friend and, thinking that it was confidential, was overly dramatic. I doubt that she really wants you to die, but it is clear that she is hurting and desperate.

If you really are being abusive in any way toward her, I hope that this email serves as a wakeup call and you will seek help immediately. Posttraumatic Stress Disorder is a serious condition, but it is not an excuse to abuse another person. There are many successful treatments available.

On the other hand, if your wife is mentally unstable and you believe that she really did mean what she said, then you would both be better off getting divorced and going your separate ways. Love is not enough. However, if you want to attempt work through this, I would highly recommend that you only do so with the help of a marital therapist.

All the best,

Dr. Holly Counts

0 comment
0 FacebookTwitterPinterestEmail
AnxietyFamilyGeneralTeen IssuesTherapyTrauma

Trauma from Being Attacked

by Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker
written by Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

From a teen in the UK: 5 months ago I was attacked in town one night and a group of people (around my age) beat me up and tried to hurt my friends. Since then there hasn’t been a single day where I haven’t thought about that night and often worry about it happening again, it causes me to get very upset if people start shouting at me or anything like that because I get scared that they’ll hit me, even if it’s someone close to me and I know really that they won’t hurt me. It’s also caused me to be very paranoid when I go out and the other day when there was a man behind me on the canal I started crying and may have had a panic attack and had to call my friend to calm me down. I know it’s probably nothing as serious as PTSD but it’s really starting to interfere with my life and I don’t know what to do anymore.

I need help but don’t feel comfortable telling my family about this, only one of my friends know and they do try and help me when I need it but it#s only partially worked. What should I do? Is there a possibility that it is a form of PTSD?

Yes, it is possible that you are suffering from PTSD. Everything you report supports the possibility of that diagnosis. Your daily anxiety tells me that you need to confer with a professional. There is no shame in responding as you have to such a traumatic event. You are having a normal reaction to an abnormal situation.

You’ve already tried unsuccessfully to handle it on your own. In spite of trying their best, your friends haven’t been able to help you either. Your symptoms are serious enough to take more seriously. That means making an appointment to see a therapist who specializes in trauma work.

Please don’t hesitate to talk to your parents about what happened and how you have been feeling since. Show them this response if it would be helpful. A few sessions now can help prevent your current level of anxiety from growing into something more intractable.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

0 comment
0 FacebookTwitterPinterestEmail
Anger ManagementGeneralIllegal drugs/alcohol abusePersonalityPsychologyPTSDRelationshipsTherapyTrauma

Therapeutic Relation Problem

by Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP
written by Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

Dx’ed cptsd. therapist feels unsure what works for me and we are still investigating. MDD also issue and of late have been disengaging and broke sobriety last session Drinkin prior to session yet we did an anger excer. I felt some release also felt it could be dangerous to do alone. I requested add., appt. from therapist since i had been in crisis. She had asked me if I wanted a referral. I was asking for an add., appointment. I wrote to her via email which I never do. expressed my feeling that it sounded as if she was again questioning if she wanted to work w me. I feel that what I wrote was true but also express anger (depression frustration w progress ) even thu I understand I feel I am Now faced with therapist uncertainty since as she put it unsure what works for me and if she is not meeting my needs will refer out. This I feel is more of her issue over what I wrote along with my break in sobriety . Today, she was late and if she was running late in the past she w tex me as a curisity. When she arrived 10min late having no apology. Then she indicated she had 10min to finish up her lunch. After 15min waved her hand to proceed to her office. In procession she was in in an small area hidden out of site were the copier was I saw her and she said go on in. She came in shortly afterward and stated she was going to make a copy of the emails i sent to her this took yet another 5min. while in session I discussed up dates and my feeling of over the past several days and my feeling of progress. She also advised me we would review the emails i sent. She told me in no uncertain terms she would not give me any additional time until we come to some idea on how to work together. she cut the session short after her being late and gave an extra 15min wait time prior to visit. the entire interview was 35mins . She was finished even giving a honest attempt to discuss matters opened her door for me to leave turned her back on me she indicated she has scheduled me for the month of Sept., yet I have paid to be within a journal group which last thru sept. As I began to leave her office she also turned around to leave. I allowed her to understand that I felt her distaste of me and her attitute toward me requesting her to drop such . she reminded me that the session was over went into bath with door open turned around again with the same look of distaste on her face, she then smerked as she closed the door. Unfinished business and I feel termination is going to happen not that there is anyone else who will treatment me that specializing in tramua treatment to the extent that she has been and continues to train in. I again mentioned as I did in email has we walked down the hall if you do not want to treat me just say so. She and I have had diff in past just about a year ago when I called a break she took it as a termination. Yet accepted me back 3months later only to advise me of referrals both of which have been cited for breeches and disaplined with the Off., of Pro dis. she is aware of it . I fully understand that i wish to heal and i also respect her abilities however I feel again she is in decision making to terminate me. She knows me and I feel and expressed to her that this isnt just about me she did acknowledge it. As last week it was apparent she needed affirmation from me that the anger work was useful. But I informed her that I wa not sure if I would be able to do this excercise safely fearful i would get more sucked in and not be able to get out therefore lashing out on others . she understood that I believe as she eluded to affirm my decision as wise mind. I also stated yes and self awareness. Not acknowledged. she feels insulted and so do I I can get over it but she has again seems uninterested to treat even thu further appts scheduled. I asked her to lose her attitute toward me and that last wks session i felt became about her since she was not able to accept my affirmation of the theraptic session. I have been deeply depressed anger is real. I want to heal yet I do not have the reason to believe that she is willing. Now I want for next week to awaiting any if any discussion of our relationship which she has allowed me full understanding until we come to an agreement on what and how we work together are in place. I lack faith that she will to be resonable and I pushed her buttons apparently today. ended the session after 35min. What is ure thoughts. I feel her lack of desire to fully engage in any discussion. The facts of her rudeness toward me and yes I responded in rudeness and I regret it. She was willing to make a referal last week which confused me since I just wanted an additional appt. Games being Played on me? I just feel so defeated and vunerable as she what believe is in processes of searching for some other person to treat me. and I cannot will not begin again. I cannot. No resolve just hostility toward me and back at her. I have allowed her to know I see and her her anger toward me yet she says nothing and makes decisions to further destroy the relationship Thoughts plz.

Therapy is a helping relationship. When it doesn’t go well, it’s often because the therapist has gotten caught in a rerun of other relationships the client has had with others. This is called “transference.” My guess is that something similar (a crisis, drinking, and a relationship “uncertainty” — going south) has happened to you before.

When you are ready I’d talk with your current therapist about how this vignette with her might be similar to other times in your life. Transference is useful when it leads to discussion of what is happening and why as well as what you can do differently. It will not be helpful if you continue to blame her and she refers you to someone else.

Your email is also interesting. Your age and graduate degree would indicate that you have the ability to construct a more coherent and organized letter. Yet, you sent it off as is. I’ve left it in its original form for you to review and reflect on. My best guess is that you have written this under the influence and are looking for a justification of your anger. If that is the case, I would also highly recommend Alcoholics Anonymous. Here is a list of AA sessions so that you can find one near you. The kind of crisis and response you have may be better handled by having ongoing meetings and a sponsor

It might also be useful for you to get a second opinion from another therapist. A second opinion might give you another perspective. If you repeat the same conflicts with the new therapist, you will have further indication that the problem is yours and that you have work to do to learn how to make and maintain a healthy relationship.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan

0 comment
0 FacebookTwitterPinterestEmail
AbuseGeneralParenting & ChildrenPTSDSexTherapyTrauma

I Can’t Stand to Be Touched

by Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker
written by Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

From Finland: Hi, thanks for reading me.

As a child I was sexually abused, first a neighbor, then when I was 11 my father. When everything blow up, my father talked to me and explained that he had alcoholism, but now he was sober, and it’ll never happen again. My family continued as a normal family, until my mom finally divorced him several years later.

I developed bipolar disorder with psychotic features, and my adult life has been a roller coaster, but I get along with my both parents, as a normal relationship, the subject is rarely mentioned. I did not blame them for the past, but finding a way to get stable has been hard, and most of the times they have been absent in my crisis.

This last year I’ve been working with a new therapist, and she has helped me a lot with my “weird ideas,” and voices, etc. I’ve been doing a big effort to grasp the reality, my reality. As a result, I am getting more functional, and starting to desire things, like having friends, or maybe a boyfriend. But there’s an issue, I can’t stand being touched, that’s one of the reasons my relationships never work.

And with it, I’m feeling really angry, specially at my dad, because of what he did, I know is totally out of time, but is there, I can’t hardly see him, I can’t stand him, actually I’m moving to another state, to be far away from him.

I tried to talk to him. I was like, I understand it was your alcoholism, and wasn’t your intention, and you have changed a lot since then, but I feel it had consequences. He told me it was in the past, that I had to let it go, etc.

And now I don’t know what to do, I feel guilty for being so mad, but I am. I feel I’m being unfair. All I want to do is keep my stability and being able to relate to others, but don’t know how.
Help me please.

 

It’s not at all unusual for a person who has been sexually abused to have fears about being touched. It’s not inappropriate for you to continue to be angry. It’s not realistic or appropriate for your father to believe you can just “let go” of what he did to you. His explanation that “alcohol made me do it” is how he is avoiding his responsibility for hurting you. He still owes you a heartfelt apology.

You can’t afford to wait for that apology to get on with your own life. It may never come. Even if he did apologize, you still are left with the consequences of being abused by a man you trusted. The good news is that you can heal without his apology, permission or participation.

You’ve made marked progress in your therapy. I am so glad you found a therapist you can really talk to and work with. Your letter didn’t indicate why you wrote to us here at LifeHelper instead of talking to her about this issue. I’m guessing that discussions about abuse, touch and sex are particularly scary for you and your letter is a first step in dealing with them.

To me, your letter shows you are ready to go to the next level of treatment. You have done impressive and important work so far. You have allowed yourself to trust a therapist and become an active participant in your treatment. Your letter shows you to be intelligent and sensitive. My vote is for you to take a deep breath, find your inner courage, and talk to the therapist who has been so helpful to you. It might help if you shared your letter and this response with the therapist as a way to introduce the topic.

From what you told me about your therapy experience so far, I have every reason to believe that your therapist will help you manage these issues with sensitivity and good support.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

0 comment
0 FacebookTwitterPinterestEmail
AbuseGeneralParenting & ChildrenPsychologyTeen IssuesTherapyTrauma

How Can I Get My Mom to Believe that I’m Depressed?

by Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker
written by Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

From a teen in the U.S.: I was molested as a child by my grandfather and I never told anybody about it until recently. I suffered from severe depression since I was 5-6 because of this. I told my mom last year and she was helpful and said that she would take me to a psychologist and said that she was here to help. My mom started crying when i told her and said that it was all her fault and i told her that it wasn’t but then she started making it about herself and saying that she could of been molested too even though she does not recall ever being molested.

Its been over a year now and my mom never took me to a psychologist as she promised she would. I suffer every day and often cry myself to sleep since I can’t cope with it anymore. Any time that somebody brings up a psychologist, my mom simply laughs and says that people now a days are so delicate and psychologists dont help and are only for crazy people that have low self-esteem.

My mom also favors my brother a lot ever since we were little it seems as if everything i say something it goes in through one ear and out through the other but when my brother says something its like if shes in love with him. My mom yells at me all day long she turns to my brother to hug him and tell him that she loves him and then will turn to me and start yelling at me and making me do things around the house while my brother is on his phone the whole day.

If I cry my mom says im weak and a baby and she says that she should be the one crying. At this point I just wish i could feel comfortable with my own mom or tell her something nicely without getting yelled at. My mom says that im always rude but everytime i talk in a nice way she just yells at me and brings me down. At this point I have given up and I feel like nobody is ever gonna be here to help me since my mom is the only one that knows about me being molested because she said my dad or family cant know because she doesnt want to be humiliated because of her father.

I’m so very sorry you have been feeling so alone for so long. It’s true that not everyone gets the mother that they want or deserve. It sounds like your mother has issues of her own that are preventing her from being able to support you. It may also be that she can’t stand feeling responsible for not protecting you and so doesn’t want to deal with what happened to you.

The good news is that you do have two parents. I encourage you to confide in your dad. You are a kid. It is not your job to protect your mother from possible humiliation. In this case, if anyone should be humiliated, it is her father, not her. Regardless, adult humiliation takes a back seat to child suffering. Reach out to your dad or some other adult relative you trust to get the help you need.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

0 comment
0 FacebookTwitterPinterestEmail
GeneralTeen IssuesTherapyTrauma

Why Can I Turn Off My Empathy?

by Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker
written by Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

From a young teen in the U.S.:  I’m 13 and don’t know if I’m just weird but I can turn on and turn off my apathy levels? I can turn it off and act like how people are supposed to act during certain situations (raising my empathy/decreasing my apathy).  For example, when I turn it off and something happens to a friend I feel worried and stuff but it’s also kinda feels fake?

When I turn my apathy on I don’t care about anything at all.  Not even the guy I like, I don’t feel any love toawrds him, I actually feel disgust?  Only when I turn my apathy off do I feel love for him again.

It does turn on and off whenever it wants to as well.  When it turns on and I don’t care about anything, I can’t change it, it has to go away on its own.  When it turns off I get empathetic and can’t turn apathetic.  Basically when it turns on/off by itself I can’t change it, it has to change by itself.

It’s similar to my PTSD but I can only turn it on and I never do that because it just ends up in a panick attack and terror.  What’s going on?

I think what’s going on is that you trying to manage three different emotional issues at once. Your letter shows you to be an exceptionally emotionally aware person. You are going through the physical changes that happen in adolescence. And, on top of that, you mention kind of as an aside that you have been diagnosed with PTSD. Any one of those could make a person shut down (or at least try to) when overwhelmed by emotional situations.

The teen years can be tough because so much is going on. You are figuring out who you are. Your body is changing. You are trying to figure out who you will love and what that love stuff is all about anyway. If that weren’t enough, you have apparently been traumatized by some event or events that were so severe that you developed PTSD in response.

I hope that having a diagnosis means that you are also being treated by a mental health professional, preferably someone who specializes in trauma and adolescence. You don’t have to figure everything out on your own. In fact, it’s not even wise to try. A professional can help you manage the effects of trauma and sort out your feelings.

Medication is not likely to be helpful for PTSD for someone who is only 13. No medications have been approved by the US Food and Drug Administration for the treatment of PTSD in children. What you need is talk therapy. Trauma focused cognitive behavior therapy has been found to be the most effective. You need a mental health counselor who has those skills.

The best help I can offer you is to encourage you to make an appointment right away to someone who can hear your whole story and who can provide you with regular and consistent support and advice.

If you are already seeing a counselor, do take your letter and this response to your next appointment. It may help to direct what you talk about next.

I wish you well.

Dr. Marie

0 comment
0 FacebookTwitterPinterestEmail
Eating DisordersGeneralPTSDSelf-esteemSexTherapy

Sex/attention addiction?

by Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker
written by Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

I’m a 24 year old female who first had sex at age 22. A year after that I’d had two partners – then something happened. I discovered that I had a power over men and that if I wanted to sleep with someone, it was easy. I started craving the attention and affection, even though most of my “dates” were one night stands. In the past year or less, the number of people I’ve slept with has jumped to 18. Half of these people I met on a website where money is exchanged for company/sex. I’m trying to stay away from that now, but every time I go on a date I promise myself I won’t sleep with the person, but as of today, that hasn’t happened. I don’t drink or use any drugs when I’m with the people.

The way I view it is that I’m exploring myself and how I can enjoy male attention, but I recently had a boyfriend I really cared about break up with me when he learned about my past. He said he thought I was addicted to sex and attention. I personally think I use sex and attention as a tool to help distract me from my problems but I don’t know if I’d say it was an addiction. What do you think?

Just so the details are out there, my mental health status is that I’m in recovery from an eating disorder as well as PTSD. I see a therapist twice a week, who doesn’t think my problem is necessarily an addiction. I guess I just want another opinion. Thanks.

I don’t think it matters what you call it. The fact is that what you’re doing is jeopardizing your chances of finding a stable, loving relationship based on mutual love and regard. It also may be undermining your recovery.

You are dealing with a lot. It makes a kind of sense that part of you wants to heal and part of you may be frightened to really touch the feelings that you need to explore in order to do it. So you go to therapy twice a week to figure things out and rebuild healthy self-esteem but then go off with these men to distract yourself and find an ersatz self-esteem based on power. Your fear is keeping you stuck.

I’m very glad you are seeing a therapist. Please talk with your therapist about this ambivalence. Working it through may lead to an important breakthrough in your work together.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

0 comment
0 FacebookTwitterPinterestEmail
AbuseAnger ManagementAnxietyBipolarFamilyGeneralMedical issuesRelationships

Do I Need To Be Concerned About Family Safety In Regards To My Bipolar Son-in-law?

by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW
written by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW

My son in law has Cyclic Vomiting Syndrome and after a period of remission he has gotten worse. He and my daughter live 2 hours away. I have noticed that my daughter seems more stressed and flat and she has seemed to have distanced herself from the family. I have asked her many time if there is a problem other than the vomiting disorder and she has said no. I visited her last weekend but was asked to stay at a motel. She came to visit me at my motel early one morning and told me the truth. Her husband has been diagnosed with bi polar disorder, she said he is a rapid cycler, has had psychotic episodes, hallucinations and black outs. He is very irriatble and verbally abusive to her. He has up till now now allowed her to tell anyone. As a result she is having panic attachs which her counselor said were PTSD. She said he also suffers from paranoia and extremely low self esteem. She said he has not gotten physically violent yet but she thought he was close at one point. They have 2 daughters 6 and 12. My daughter has had to explain to the older girl. My son in law is being treated but the drug that seemed to help affected his liver and he has trouble keeping drugs down because of the vomiting disorder. I have suspected hostile behavior on his part for over a year. After getting upset with me last year he walked out of the house, later that night I found that my car had been keyed. He owns many guns. My daughter has made me promise not to tell anyone. I am wondering if I need to be concerned about the safety of my daughter and granddaughters and if so, what would be the best way to deal with the situation.

Yes, I do believe that it is reasonable to be concerned about the safety of your daughter and your granddaughters. Your daughter reported that she is experiencing verbal abuse. She’s also very fearful of her husband. He has prohibited her from even speaking about his behavior and what goes on in the home.

Additionally, there are other concerning factors. These include the fact that he has a serious mental illness, which because of a health problem cannot be adequately medicated. This means that her husband is actively symptomatic. In addition, he is a “rapid cycler,” psychotic, easily agitated and irritable. He has a history of blackouts. These could be linked to his medical problems, psychosis or to his anger episodes. He also owns guns and has come close to physically harming your daughter. It is possible that he has already physically harmed your daughter but she is reluctant to tell you. Research has shown that family members are often the target in cases where violence occurs. Finally, while he has not physically harmed you, he has vandalized your vehicle. These are all major red flags associated with the potential for violence.

Simply having bipolar disorder does not make an individual more likely to be violent than an individual without bipolar disorder. What primarily increases the risk for violence is an untreated psychotic disorder.

Your next question is what should your daughter do about this situation. That is a difficult question to answer. Below I will list several suggestions.

You said she has a therapist. She should ask for his or her advice. If you believe that your daughter is less than forthcoming about this situation with her therapist, then call him or her and report what you know. The therapist, due to confidentiality laws, cannot reveal information about your daughter’s case to you but there is no law against you providing information to the therapist.

She could also do several other things. You mentioned that her husband is unable to digest or sufficiently consume his medication because of a medical problem. This tells me that he has a psychiatrist or has at least has been in recent contact with mental health professionals. Your daughter could report his behavior to his doctor or treatment team. They may be able to advise your daughter about how to handle this situation.

Other ideas include calling the police or mental health crisis team if his behavior is out of control. If he is actively psychotic and threatening her, he would likely be admitted to a psychiatric hospital. Calling the police or the mental health crisis team can expedite the process of hospital admission.

The safest and most appropriate way to proceed, given the current circumstances, is for your daughter and your grandchildren to move out of the home until his symptoms are under control. Domestic violence shelters can provide a temporary safe house. It is a very volatile situation and your daughter and your grandchildren need to be protected.

My final recommendation is to review the Treatment Advocacy Center website. They provide information to family members dealing with psychiatric crisis situations. They also provide a great deal of other educational information that I believe you and your daughter would find relevant and beneficial.

I hope this helps. Please take care and don’t hesitate to write again if you have additional questions.

Dr. Kristina Randle

0 comment
0 FacebookTwitterPinterestEmail
BipolarGeneralMedication related questionsPTSDTherapyTrauma

Treating The Correct Disorder When You Have Bipolar and PTSD

by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW
written by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW

My therapists help me to identify long-standing bipolar I but is it possible to have that without having never been treated and never suffered any negative consequences. My manias fueled a high-pressure career and I’ve been able to self-monitor and control my tendencies to overwhelm people with my activity and talkative levels. I haven’t had a depression since 1991 and even though I know that one of my first depressive episodes nearly ended in a psychotic break, I was still able to get through it without intervention. My family says they’ve never had a problem with my behavior. Fast forward I also have a serious PSTD problem from living with violent people for 53 of my 58 years. I’ve had inappropriate adrenaline surges for the past 6 years which have been treated with increasing levels of Paxil (up to 60 mg/day now). I cannot get my therapists to focus of the PSTD problems (flashbacks and nigtmares and severe anxiety) and they want me on an anti-psychotic even though there’s never been any hint of a problem with the Paxil setting off the bipolar. Help — what do I do? I want them to trust me to self-report if I see any bipolar symptoms and not start an expensive drug when I don’t need it right now.

I cannot answer your first question: Is it possible to have bipolar disorder despite not having suffered any negative consequences? I would need more information. It would depend on what you consider to be negative consequences. Without knowing that information, I can only speculate.

It seems as though you perceive your symptoms as being advantageous. You are not alone with your beliefs. You may find the article, “Just Manic Enough: Seeking Perfect Entrepreneurs” (in The New York Times business section), to be interesting. It discusses a very similar point to the one that you are making. It essentially argues that in order to succeed as an entrepreneur, a certain amount of hypermania is necessary.

Many mental health professionals would disagree with the premise of that article. Many of them believe that mania, in all cases, is dangerous and would recommend psychological intervention. I can’t say with certainty but I believe that may be the opinion of your treatment team.

It is common for people with bipolar disorder to report that they like the feeling of mania. Tara Parker-Pope, who maintains the Well blog at The New York Times, featured a number of individuals who were willing to share their experiences with mania. One insightful quote came from Carter Goodwin, a 42-year-old artist with bipolar disorder, who said “I miss the mania…I love the mania. It feels so good to feel like I can do anything and like there is something really special about me. But it’s all chemical. It’s not true.”

Goodwin’s point is an important one. The mania makes him feel as though he has special powers and abilities but it’s a delusion. It’s not real and therefore has the potential to be harmful. To live in a world that is not based in reality is delusional.

Another complication of this situation is that you might have become accustomed to living with your symptoms and now they “seem” normal to you. You may now lack the ability to be objective about your symptoms. Thoughts and behaviors that seem normal to you may not seem normal to your treatment team.

You mentioned two additional issues regarding your treatment team. They do not focus on what you believe to be post-traumatic stress disorder symptoms (PTSD) and they want you to take a medication that you do not want to take. If you believe they are providing you with unsatisfactory service, then you might want to consider seeking a second opinion. If the second opinion is consistent with the first, it could be very telling. A second opinion could also provide information about how next to proceed.

If you’d like to write back and provide more information about how you define negative consequences, in reference to your first question, then I might be able to provide you with a more specific answer. I wish you the best. Please take care.

Dr. Kristina Randle

0 comment
0 FacebookTwitterPinterestEmail
GeneralPTSDSchizophreniaTrauma

Can Schizophrenia Be Traumatizing?

by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW
written by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW

I had depression when i was 12 then i started to be paranoid the the ideas was very scary and life threatening it was kind of rational and logical and it looked very real but it wasnt realistic and it was out of control i suffered silently so i didnt receive any help i dont remember every thing happened this month but i can remember flashbacks like the ptsd after that the paranoia stopped and my iq dropped dramatically i was studying more and have less grades my social life changed i stopped to feel emotions , generally i have most of ptsd symptoms for 4 years then i started to think about what happened to me then i had little paranoia again but it was manageable and my iq increased but not like normal less and in other way i can not really describe it with no significant improve in the delayed ptsd symptoms i have gone to doctors since i was 16 and not one of them diagnosed me with ptsd they saied that its just schizophrenia ,i took pills it wasn’t very helpful so i lost hope and stoped for year until i saw an article about ptsd monthe ago. i want to know am i right or its just schizophrenia ?

Schizophrenia can be traumatizing. Some people with schizophrenia have no recollection of their symptoms. A possible explanation for this is that the traumatizing nature of schizophrenia leads the unconscious mind to block these memories and experiences.

Some individuals with schizophrenia refuse to discuss their symptoms. This avoidance might be explained by the fact that schizophrenia symptoms can be very frightening. Those willing to speak about their symptoms have described them as being a “living hell” or “hell on earth.”

Having said that, very effective treatments exist to treat schizophrenia symptoms. Individuals with schizophrenia can live high quality lives. Generally speaking, the best way an individual with schizophrenia can achieve stability is to consistently adhere to their treatment plan and to surround themselves with a strong support system.

It is common for individuals with schizophrenia to also have posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Studies have shown that many individuals with schizophrenia have a history of abuse or have endured some type of tragic event at some point in their lives. Those traumatic experiences could explain why schizophrenia and PTSD commonly co-occur.

It is difficult to know if you have a single disorder or a combination of disorders. I would encourage you to explore all possibilities with a psychiatrist. Having a psychiatric evaluation is the best way to have your questions answered. I would also encourage you to become more educated about PTSD and schizophrenia. The more that you know about these two conditions, the more clarity you might gain about your symptoms. I wish you the best. Please take care.

Dr. Kristina Randle

0 comment
0 FacebookTwitterPinterestEmail
AbuseBipolarDissociative Identity Disorder (DID)FamilyGeneralParenting & ChildrenPTSDRelationshipsSuicideTeen IssuesTherapyTrauma

I’m not sure if I was molested or not

by Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker
written by Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

when i was 11, i was molested by my step father. or at least thats what i remember. i told a teacher and we went through this whole trial. and my mom was so depressed and under so much stress that she almost overdosed on pills and slit her wrists. during this time i was diagnosed DID, or dissociative identity disorder. i changed my story and cleared my step father. when i was 13, i was admitted into an in-patient hospital because of a suicide attempt and i was later diagnosed bipolar 1. my mother lived with me for 3 years before i moved to atlanta with my father after attending an out-patient program for 4 months after they told me i should get out of my house away from my step-father.

i’ve had time to think about it while ive been in atlanta for 5 months and im not entirely sure my step father molested me. I show all the signs of being molested, like the emotional trauma signs afterwards. my therapist says i have PTSD because i refuse to talk about it with her and sometimes contradict myself and deny it happened. and yet, i want to go back to my home state and live in the same house as my step father because my moms there and i love her to death. and i dont even mind living with my step father. is there something wrong with me? does this mean i was delusional and thought this happened? i’ve heard with people with bipolar disorder become delusional. because sometimes i feel okay with him and other times i just want to stab him repeatedly until he admits what he did. there was no evidence of the molestation when detectives searched. i never had trouble talking about it with my friends and i hate to admit it, but somehow it makes me feel special in some way even though i hate the fact that it did (in my mind, maybe) happened. am i doing this to myself? please help, because this is affecting me pretty badly and i dont know what to do. my whole family thinks im a liar because i changed my story to protect my mom and im reminded everyday by my dad that i ruined my family’s life.

It’s not surprising to me that you are having trouble sorting out the truth. You are under enormous external pressure. Your mom’s suicide attempt in the wake of your disclosure scared you. Your family thinks you are a liar. Your father keeps telling you you “ruined” the family. You want to be with your mother. Meanwhile, you are also struggling with the internal pressure of either coming to terms with a trauma or a mental illness. It makes sense to me that you keep moving back and forth between believing it happened and thinking it didn’t. You are responding to those conflicting pressures.

You’re now in a bind. If it did happen, you have to come to terms with having been molested by someone who was supposed to love and protect you. If it didn’t, you have to deal with whatever motivated you to lie. Neither “truth” is comfortable, so you stay stuck.

I can’t help you determine the truth on the basis of a letter. The most important thing you told me is that you aren’t talking with the person who can. Counselors who specialize in PTSD are usually well trained in how to help someone who is struggling as you are. I have a guess that you aren’t doing your therapeutic work because you are afraid of what you’ll find out. That may be just the place to start with your therapist.

Your therapist can’t help you out of the bind unless you get invested in doing your therapy. Please give your therapist a chance. You really don’t have to go through life suffering like this.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

0 comment
0 FacebookTwitterPinterestEmail
AbuseDepressionEating DisordersGeneralMedical issuesSelf-esteemTherapyTrauma

How Do I Know If I Still Need Therapy?

by jhanks
written by jhanks

I am a married woman of 24 years with 3 grown children.  I have had a pretty rough past and struggled with mental illness most of my life.  I grew up in a very dysfunctional violent family with an alcoholic parent.  I was abused and neglected.  I attempted suicide at the age of 17.  Through the years I buried my past and attempted to live a normal life.  I did not have an identity, I did what everyone wanted of me, and even believed the beliefs of the people around me. I was an empty shell being filled up by other people.  I had another breakdown in 1999 and attempted suicide again.  That is when I began therapy.  It took me a realy long time to open up to my therapist.  It seemed I got much worse before I got better.  I began cutting and binge eating became  a huge problem.  I had always coped with food but now it brought my weight up to 322lbs.

As the years went by, and with medication I began to slowly deal with issues and start to rise out of my depression.  I trusted my therapist and told her things I would never tell another soul.  I was getting better and I decided to improve my life. I had gastric bypass to lose weight and in the past year I have lost over 120lbs.  I was using good coping skills and having more rational thoughts.   Unfortunately my bones suffered from the weight and degenerative bone desease.  This past October I had a total hip replacement and this past February I had a total knee replacement. It has not been 2 months yet and it has been a slow painful recovery.

My therapist retired this past December.  I do not have a regular one yet, although I did meet with one just one time to feel it out.  I am unsure if I need to stay in therapy.  I have been in it for a very long time and although I am better than ever before, I still have depression and dysfunctional thoughts.  I am still on medication, Wellbutrin, Lexapro and Neurontin for mood disorder.  I have been labeled as PTSD and BPD. I am starting to binge eat again and I am afraid the gastric bypass will be worthless to me someday.  I do not want to gain all that weight back as I could hardly move then.  I feel very sad that my therapist retired and I feel pretty lost right now. Is it normal to be in a therapy program for as long as I have been? Do some people stay in therapy all of their life?  I feel that I will never get out of this dysfunctional rut. Is there hope for me? I am very tired and very afraid to live this way.  I just want relief and to feel a bit of satisfaction in how I live.  I appreciated any input.
Thank you 🙂

What a brave women you are to have faced your past trauma and to have actively sought treatment to move toward a healthier and happier life. I can’t imagine how difficult it must be to have your therapist retire after working so hard to develop enough trust to open up and share things you’ve never shared with anyone else. It is very normal to feel lost, sad, and to grieve the loss of this therapeutic relationship, just as you would if you said goodbye to a close friend or family member. I imagine that finding a new therapist and developing that trust again is a scary thing to consider, but a necessary one.

Some health problems, like diabetes, are chronic and require lifelong attention, management, and treatment, while others are acute, like strep throat, and generally require one course of antibiotics. Mental illness can be conceptualized in a similar way. Your mental health history, your history of abuse and neglect, and your psychological symptoms seem to fall in the chronic category. It is common for individuals with severe childhood abuse and neglect to be in treatment on and off throughout life to help manage the emotional and psychological consequences of the early experiences.

Your continued struggles with dysfunctional thoughts, depressive symptoms, and binge eating suggest that you need to get back into therapy to maintain the progress you’ve made and to continue to develop coping skills and insight. You may in be in treatment throughout the rest of your life. If that’s what you need to continue to move forward, to manage your symptoms, and continue to create the life you want, then that is nothing to be ashamed of.  You deserve to have nurturing and support.

Take good care of yourself!

Julie Hanks, LCSW

0 comment
0 FacebookTwitterPinterestEmail
GeneralIllegal drugs/alcohol abusePTSDRelationshipsTherapyTrauma

PTSD caused by drug use?

by Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker
written by Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

About a year ago to the month, I was in the midst of a very painful break-up during my senior year of college. I had been with my ex for 2 years, it was a very serious relationship, we lived together, and the split was entirely unexpected. In retrospect, the relationship was unhealthy… I changed/compromised myself a lot to try and appease my ex, to fit into his life, and I think I convinced myself that I was happy regardless.

I began a close relationship with two friends (men) that were into drug experimentation. I was already a habitual marijuana smoker, but kicked it up to a gross level (at least 1 gram a day, every day, whether alone or in company). I then began experimenting with mushrooms, LSD, and, finally, MDMA. The first and only time I took MDMA, I believe I took a toxic dose over the course of 24 hours (.7 grams of pure, powder form, ingested). I experienced no major adverse reaction while intoxicated, but at the “crash” I lost my mind. Severe anxiety, paranoia, depression, uncontrollable crying, inability to be still, major depersonalization and hysteria. It was an enormous amount of emotion and mania all at once, immediately as soon as I woke up. A contributing factor was finding out in the midst of my “roll” that my ex had a new girlfriend (we had been broken up about 6 weeks), a fact that seemed to precipitate into a flood of emotions tied up in our break up (why doesn’t he feel as bad as I do? does he love me anymore? I miss him, I want to talk to him, etc).

My whirlwind of emotions was so acute I felt unsafe leaving my apartment for several days. By about the 6th day the hysteria had receded and had been replaced with intense depersonalization and no sense of reality. I was scouring the internet for a solution or diagnosis for my feelings when I came upon the term “depersonalization” and immediately dissolved into a serious depression once I had a name for what I was experiencing. By the 12th day since the “crash,” I began to feel normal, if not shaken.

About three weeks after this experience, I took a dose of mushrooms. The trip went badly. My experience was being caught in a feedback loop of negative feelings, that I would never feel any differently ever again, that I had no control over my own sanity. Eventually I became physically ill, and the mushrooms wore off. I had no “crash” effects.

I decided to stop taking psychedelic drugs after that, but continued to drink and smoke heavily. About 6 weeks after crashing on MDMA, I experienced the most intense anxiety attack of my life. One of my aforementioned friends and I were about to visit our third friend’s going-away party (he was moving out of state). Previous to this, I had absolutely no history or experience with anxiety, and actually did not know I was even having an anxiety attack until later. The feelings of anxiety and sporadic full-blown panic attacks lasted for 4 days. At that point, I stopped smoking and drinking completely, and began attending counseling via the student center.

While I finally addressed and acknowledged many issues with my break up and drug use during counseling, my general emotional/psychological health was shaky at best. There was a lot of fallout after my anxiety episode and the drug side effects. I barely made it through graduation without a complete meltdown, and only with the support of my father and a few close, sober friends.

Today, I have changed my life and am 100% a different, healthier person. My old relationship and my ex are not present in my life. I run, I practice yoga, I’m a vegetarian, I lost 15lbs. I drink socially, but have not smoked or taken any other drugs since. I am even suspicious of things like codine cough syrup or Sudafed due to their drug content. However, once in a while, something reminds me of my drug experiences or the aftermath, and I immediately feel frozen – taken back to those feelings and experiences in an overwhelmingly negative way – and have to fight off anxiety attacks. This especially happens when coming into contact with marijuana or viewing drug use in movies. Sometimes nothing triggers it, but suddenly I am consumed with the memory of something that happened during that time, and all the emotions associated with it.

I feel like my drug abuse will haunt me forever. Once in a great while, I have sudden urges to smoke marijuana or take MDMA, for no apparent reason. I have also begun dating after being single for more than a year, and sometimes experience borderline panic attacks out of nowhere in the middle of a date. I have spent the night with a guy or two a few times, and cannot sleep while someone is in the same bed as me. My heart pounds, I feel nervous, sweaty palms, and cannot relax.

When I took the Sanity Quiz on this site it says that I exhibit symptoms of PTSD, which led me to write this tome (sorry!) and ask about it. Am I experiencing PTSD as a result of my drug abuse? Will these flashbacks ever go away? I know I should probably be in regular therapy, but I can’t afford it.

Thank you for writing. It must be discouraging to find that you are still having symptoms of anxiety after working so hard to get clean and sober. PTSD is a subset of the anxiety disorders. I don’t know enough about you to determine whether you meet the criteria for that diagnosis. It certainly sounds as if you are having what are called “flashbacks” to your bad experience with drugs. Flashbacks are the involuntary reliving of a bad drug experience days, weeks or even months after a “trip.” They usually follow some auditory or visual cue that triggers a memory of the experience. Flashbacks feel very, very real.

You did the very important first chapter of your therapy. It’s to your credit that you finally realized that you were endangering your life and that you were motivated enough to do something about it by getting involved in some counseling and by reaching out for some help from your father and friends. Good for you! You followed up with major changes in your lifestyle. Also good.

Now you need to go to the next level. You need to learn some new coping skills both to handle the flashbacks and to manage the intense feelings that go with taking another risk at intimacy. All this is to say that you’re right: You do need to get back into some kind of therapy.

Before you decide you can’t afford it, talk to your doctor about whether there is a local clinic or therapists in private practice who offer a sliding fee scale. You might also be able to arrange a payment plan with someone. If you really can’t find a way to pay for some therapy, do some reading up on how to increase your sense of resiliency. Continue the healthy lifestyle you’ve established. Spend time developing your friendships and support system. If the flashbacks happen again, remind yourself that they are only memories and that they will go away. (Yoga practice should help.) And do ask your doctor if there is anything more you can do to counteract them.

Although a year may feel to you like a long time, from my point of view you’ve accomplished a great deal in a short time. You’ve done a wonderful job taking charge of your life to make it better. Please be patient with yourself. Go slow with the relationship. Honor your own feelings. And continue on the path you’ve started. You’ll get there.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

0 comment
0 FacebookTwitterPinterestEmail
Newer Posts
Older Posts