I used to be really depressed. I have always been depressed but especially while being bullied. I am in the 10th grade and have been in homeschooling for a year now and am not anywhere near as depressed as I was. Every now and then, for a few hours to a few days I am, but not like it was. However, I miss being that depressed. I don’t know why but I wish I was that way again. I would not say that I’m very happy now, but I am more happy than sad, which I don’t like for some reason. Why is this?
A: You raise an interesting question that I wish I could explore more with you directly because most people wouldn’t be upset about being happier. I’m really wondering if it’s not that you miss being depressed, but that you miss other aspects of your life that have changed since being home-schooled.
I know you were bullied at school so you probably don’t miss that, but do you miss other aspects of going to school? Did you have some friends there that you don’t see as often? Did you have some teachers who you enjoyed? Were you involved in extra-curricular activities that you aren’t now? I realize that I’m answering a question with more questions, but I want you to think about what you really miss.
On the other hand, maybe you do miss some aspects of the depression because it became your “normal.” Change can be hard. It is natural to want to stay in a comfort zone, but it’s not necessarily healthy. Furthermore, some teenage angst is quite normal and is just part of growing up. Instead of looking at is as depression, try to tap into the creativity of the dark emotions. You could write about your feelings in a journal or try writing some poetry.
Home schooling can be a great option for lots of students, but it’s important to still get lots of social interaction. Interacting with peers is crucial for someone your age, so please make sure you find ways to be around your friends or look for ways to make new ones.
All the best,
Dr. Holly Counts