My dad is emotionally, verbally, and sometimes physically abusive to me. He has threatened to disown me and I now wish he would have. I am very afraid of him and my mother has now also became emotionally abusive to me. I cut myself about 10 times each night on my hips where no one can see and I tend to find myself crying for no reason. I make things in my head and later I cannot remember what actually happened, what did not, and who is real or just a figment of my imagination. I have very restless sleep and i have a loft-bed and will sometimes punch or kick my cieling in my sleep and will wake up with bloody knuckles. Sometimes i will wake up in a heap on the ground after falling the nine feet down to my hard floor. My house appears good on the outside but on the inside it is not a good place to be. My dad has even thrown a cat on me while I was in the shower, this was about two years ago but I still have the scars. He tells me I’m worthless and a stupid disapointment to him and the rest of my family. I think about suicide quite often and I have recently became bullimic because he will tell me I’m fat and ugly. I feel lost all the time and am always afraid to be caught insecure. I will often lie on the floor crying curled up in a ball with my blade I ripped off of my dad’s razor. My parents know i cut but they said they only cared because it could result in something looking bad on them. I am afraid in my own home. I am afraid of myself. I am afraid of everyone around me. And I don’t even turn 14 until almost November.
I am very sorry for what you are enduring. You are frightened for your safety in your own home. You cannot protect yourself. I would strongly encourage you to call and report your situation to the Child and Youth Services in your state. The telephone number is 800-252-2873. Report to them what you have experienced. Be as detailed as possible.
If you feel that you might harm yourself, then call 911. You should also have in your possession the phone number to the National Suicide Prevention Helpline: 1-800-273-TALK (8255).
Another option is to inform a faculty member at your school about your situation. School officials who become aware of your situation are mandated by law to call child protective services.
It is imperative that you report your situation to the proper authorities. You need help. I know that asking for help may be difficult and frightening but it is important that you do it anyway. No child should have to experience what you have described. Call for help immediately.
Dr. Kristina Randle