Hi, I’m 14 years old and in the 8th grade. I came here because my anger has been really overwhelming me and causing problems. Like usually when I’m angry I think about hurting these people in horrible ways or hurting myself sometimes even and this scares me a lot. I’ve even thought about killing someone and planned it out in my head and this is terrifying to me? I mean its something I’d never actually do like I couldn’t probably bring myself to do it because I am not a violent person whatsoever, but i definitely think it. I think maybe it’s because I’m young or if there’s another possible problem I really want to know. I’ve told my mom sometimes I think violent things when I’m really angry, but I never elaborated off that. I’m scared she’ll send me to some mental institution or something. I just want to stop thinking like this. I’m scared that one day I just might act on it.
A: I’m glad you wrote in with your question. I know it’s hard, but first thing to do is talk to your mom again about your problems and be very honest. Let her know that you really want to get some help with the angry thoughts that you are having and tell her how worried you are about them. You won’t be sent to a mental institution for this (unless you really do try to hurt yourself or someone else), but it would be great if you could talk to a therapist about your feelings and learn some ways to handle them. It is really important to get help now, while they are just thoughts. Don’t take the chance of waiting and risking doing something you can’t take back.
It might also be helpful to speak with your school counselor. They may have some groups at school for anger management or coping with stress, or they might be able to meet with you individually. If you are involved with a church or youth group, it could be helpful to speak to one of the leaders there. The important thing is to reach out and get some help.
There’s a big difference in having thoughts versus acting on them. If you learn to deal with your feelings now while you are young, chances are that it won’t lead to bigger problems later. You might also want to check out another question I answered about anger on LifeHelper for some other suggestions: I Don’t Know Why I Get So Angry.
All the best,
Dr. Holly Counts