I feel like my life is falling into pieces and scattering into all different directions, and as I try to pick up all the pieces I lose some more.
I miss my father who died of lung cancer when I was 10. I miss my mom who just past away in December from breast cancer. My stepfather put her in a home without telling me, she died before I could say goodbye… I cry every time I want to talk to my parents about something, I get jealous every time I see children with their parents.
I feel like everything and everyone that is important to me is getting taken away and I have no control or say in the matter…
I am currently living with my aunt and going to school to be an animator. I am trying to put my life’s pieces back together, but like I said above, I’ve lost so many.
The only person I have left is my older brother, he means everything to me. But he is worrying me. He’s always around people who do drugs, and he’s changed too. But I don’t think any less of him, I just keep having bad dreams or thoughts that he will be taken from me too.
I want my life to be better, I want to lose weight, I want to get job that I like, I want to help my brother, I want to make others happy. But I feel so hopeless. I feel like I’m suffocating being drowned by my problems (ie. financial, health, relationships…).
Am I crazy? Is it even possible that I can make things better?
Thanks for your time.
You are not “crazy.” You have had and continue to have a very challenging life. Other people in a similar situation would feel as you do.
Always remember, feeling that something is hopeless does not in any way mean that it is hopeless. It is possible to improve the quality of your life but it will be much harder to do it alone. You would greatly benefit from the assistance and support of others. It is a major missing element in your life. I would recommend seeing a therapist and considering a grief support group.
If you are reluctant to seek professional help, please reconsider. Legal problems? Most people would hire a lawyer. Medical problems? Consult a physician. If the roof were leaking, one would hire a roofer. The same logic should apply with psychological problems. Therapists have expertise in the areas in which you are struggling. It would be wise to consult an expert in emotional problems.
You are not alone in how you feel nor are the experiences that you have had, unique to you. Life can be tough. Yours has been harder than what some others have experienced and better than what others have had to endure. Your pain is real and it can be lessened with the proper help and support. Please consider my suggestions.
I wish you the very best.
Dr. Kristina Randle