Home Relationships Transference?


by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW

what are some examples? help me understand please. I am m 17 and a hs junior. i was wondering can someone give me some examples of transference .
when i was in 7th i talked to a school counselor for the first time. when i first saw her i thought she was really pretty..i love blonde hair and blue eyes! anyways she wanted to talk to me once a week cuz a teacher said she was worried about me. anyways we started talking once a week and i fell in love with her!! i couldnt wait to go to school the next day to see her, when i would hear high heels down the hall ways i would always look out the door for her,i had conversations in my head with her.

8th grade came and i went her her everyday after school and we walked out together, i got more comfortable with her and so we talked about weekends, i asked her about hers and we became friends. in that same year the other counselor who worked at the hs school too wanted to talk to me abd so we talked and i loved herrr!!! soo now i loved the both of them soo much and wanted to be in their fams, or have them adopt me, i always wanted to be near them! my first counselor always calls me sweetie , honey. school was soo good with them their. when it came time to graduate middle school i got soo sad i was hoping ot get left back to be with my counselor longer, and i sorta got jealous when she was with other students, (now im older and understand that she has a job) the other counselor left the district and soo im was sad to go to hs.

9th grade and i liked the counselor she was sooo nice and caring and pretty and sweet. i loved talking to her i went to her everyday after school and always talked to her. i loved her but then after that school year she left . I keep in touch with my first counselor still and we emailed before now we talk on the phone and i love hearing her voice. (i moved and so dont get to see her, i was able to visit her when i lived in my old town) and she loves talking to me too, she told me. i wanted to ask her if she wanted to hang out at the beach over the summer but my mom reminded me that inm still a minor and that she works in a school so ill ask next year 🙂 i love love love love herrrrr soooo muchhhh!!! we are definately friends. my other 2 counselors we keep in touch by email but they havent emailed me in a while. 🙁
is that transference or no? im serious wondering so im hopeing for serious answers 🙂

i was sexually abused when i was 9-12

also im not a stalker, i know boundaries, and ive always been self conscious and would never want them to think anything bad of me. i told my first counselor that i love her and she always says that she cares about me alot and never wants to see me hurt..it hurts her…i use to wish she was my mom..now im happy as friends
i am now in therapy and i only like going women. i like my therapist soo much!when i first met with her last week she wanted to know about history and stuff and so i told her that i was sexually abused. and she looked at me cuz i got very uncomfortable and said “sweetie, it was ur fault and never will be” and see asked if i wanted to walk her outside them told me that she reassured me that she was here for me. i felt sooo good inside just like i do with my old school counselor.

I am not certain if you are dealing with a transference or countertransference issue. Freudian therapists may see it as a form of transference. In existential therapy, it is essential that the therapist and client develop a relationship. It is normal to develop feelings for your therapist. They are kind to you and it is normal to feel comfortable and safe with them. They care about you and show you attention. However, it is important to be realistic and understand boundaries. You see your therapist, most likely, for one hour a week and during the rest of the week she sees other clients. That is her job. It is not healthy to be jealous of other clients and her relationship with them. You and she have a relationship but it has limits. That is the nature of the therapeutic relationship.

I would encourage you to discuss your feelings with your therapist. It is important that she knows how you feel. She may be able to help you understand your feelings and teach you how to develop appropriate boundaries. Thanks for your question.

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