Hi, I have for the past two years been dating a wonderful guy, and am living with him. Disturbing the peace is my issuses with trusting him, he has never done anything to even indicate, that he would cheat on me, or anything else. I have been having issuses with trust and anxiety for as long as I can remember, though it has gotten worse after meeting my boyfriend. I constantly read the things he do and say, and seem to find a way to make everything, about him leaving me. I have talked about it with him, and due to he also have had psychological problem in the past, and still does to some degree, he understands the problem, but cannot do anything to solve them, since they are my issues. I also worry alot, often about him and our relationship, but also about everyday stuff, which I manage to make a very big deal out of, as I have done for a long time. My question is, is there something I can do to get control over my anxiety, and stop worrying about things?
It’s important that you deal with these trust and anxiety issues because they are negatively impacting your relationship. Your boyfriend has tolerated it for some time, but eventually he will grow tired of false accusations and may end the relationship. Thus, if you want to remain in this relationship, you must deal with these issues.
Per your letter, your boyfriend has “never done anything to even indicate” that he would cheat on you. If that is true, then you must believe it and behave accordingly. You should try to believe in the truth. If you allow yourself to believe in things that are not true, then your anxiety will continue. Always search for objective proof and do not allow yourself to believe in ideas that have no basis in reality.
Fundamentally, anxiety stems from not believing in reality. There’s no evidence to show that your boyfriend is cheating. In that case, don’t give those fears life by continuing to believe that they may be true.
Challenging irrational beliefs and forcing yourself to believe in reality, is ultimately how one overcomes anxiety. Understandably, that is not an easy task. It can take a great deal of effort to retrain your mind to think in this new, objective way. That is why I would highly recommend that you seek psychological help. Therapy could assist you in developing the skills to manage your anxiety. If you want to have a healthy relationship, then it is immensely important that you correct these issues. Please take care.
Dr. Kristina Randle