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Unexplained Changes of State of Mind and Mood

by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW

I’m not sure what is wrong with me….I’ve been researching an looking around and after giving up on that i found this site so I’m just going to give the whole story.

First of all you should probably know that i have no family issues as far as sexual harassment nor have i ever had sexual interactions with anyone. I do have a dad who was a Marine and has temper issues and have been (on numerous accounts) hit or beat by him. Other than that, my relationship w/ the rest of my family is normal although i don’t see them much due to the fact that i confine myself in my room.

My issue is this: I have a plethora of problems when interacting with any other people in my school or community and that drives me crazy. If i find a person who seems to be willing to get to no me and befriend me i become uncontrollably selfish about that person and try to force them self to devote their lives to me. i try to sperate myself from my family and beocme a part of there life. I even do stupid things around them to try to get them to notice me more, and i dont mean silly things. I will steal their money, break things of theres and even try to get them injured. Ive stolen amounts in the hundreds of dollars and intentionally broken things like ipods and laptops. However, ill then find a way that ONLY I can make up for it so that they HAVE to spend more time with me. And if they try to spend time with someone else with out me, i loss myself. If i found that this “friend” was out the other day and i wasnt there and someone else was with them, i become severly depressed. i start contemplating suicide and cry uncontrollably. Most of the time i will start throwing a knife i keep in my desk around the room into walls to try to help somehow. even worse is that the next time i c the person i will pull them aside and explain every little emotion and everything that i did and felt. Usually this makes them think im a psycho and they distance them selves from me. The last time this whole experience happened i lost my mind and ate uncontrollably, started failing classes, started to hate my life, thought that i could never amount to anything and that my life was a waste, and stopped interacting with my family for about 2-3 months. I dont know if this is a mental condition, if im just crazy, or if this is a normal experience but i cant stand my self this way and hate myelf for being like this. Plz plz plz plz plz help me get an answer.

PS. im not on nor have i ever taken anything stronger then advil…i jsut want an answer.

I don’t think you’re “crazy.” Nor do I think you have a “mental condition.” I think you have a maladaptive way of interacting with people. You want friends and you want to be around people but the way in which you go about it leads you to sabotage the relationship. I attribute this to the possibility that you were never taught boundaries or limitations or you lack appropriate social skills.

If you were my client I would want to know more about how you were raised. Also, what are your parents like? Are they loving and caring toward you or are they indifferent or emotionally neglectful? You mentioned that your father has “temper issues” and has beaten you on several occasions. It would be important to know more about your relationship with your father and what you mean by “temper issues.” This information would allow me to understand the nature of your relationship with your parents. It might also explain how or why you interact with peers in the problematic manner that you do.

You also said that you spend a lot of time isolated in your bedroom. I wonder if this has always been the case or if it is a recent change in behavior. I also would want to know if you have any siblings and if so, what are those relationships like. Again, this would be helpful information to know because it could shed light on how or why this problem developed.

Even if we knew why this problem developed it that would be insufficient to solve your problem. What you primarily need is someone to help you learn a more appropriate way to interact with your peers.

It’s not a matter of there being something seriously wrong with you; it’s a matter of you not knowing an alternative way to behave. Please do not blame yourself for this. It is not your fault. It’s almost as though no one ever taught you the rules of social interaction.

You need someone to coach you on what is appropriate behavior and what isn’t and to guide you accordingly. For instance, it’s not appropriate to steal from people or break their things so that you could fix the problem and be the “hero” in their lives. It’s also not appropriate to expect that your friends will interact only with you and never with others. That is unrealistic.

The good news about this problem is that it is correctable. With the right help and guidance you can alter your behavior in a way that’s more socially acceptable to both you and your peers. I’d suggest you ask your parents to connect you to a counselor. You may not need to be in counseling long and medication would likely be unnecessary. I wish you luck.

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