Hello, so i have been diagnosed with depression and anxiety disorder, but bi polar also runs in our family and ive been feeling sypmtoms, like i will be crazy one day but in the dumps the next.also i was sexually assulted when i was 11 years old by a 13 year old boy and i havent really healed since then i used to self harm and was forced to go to therapy sessions but i stopped because i beilieve i dont need sessions any more. i constantly feel like someone is watching me, even on the toilet. i hate bugs because i believe they are really hidden cameras, the window nearest our front door is a two way mirror and people are watching me on the other side, theres a blow up toy swan in our bathroom that’s a camera too. i always feel suspicous of people because they may be fake people. My father says i am unhealthly obssesed with horror movies , serial killers, and i explore the deep web quite a bit, i have had alot of thoughts about killing people, not anyone who has angered me, that would be stupid because there would be a motive i plan and think of different ways i could kidnapp and kill diffrent people. i dont know whats going on, i will also add that at night i believe the trees hide spies, and the people in the house across the road are stalking me and are up to something sinister. i dont know if these are delusions or real life but i really want to know.
Your symptoms are concerning. It’s not normal to think that people are after you or watching you or to be thinking about how to kill. These symptoms suggest that something may be wrong. You had counseling in the past but ended it prematurely. You should go back to counseling. It would help you solve these problems. Medication and counseling could help you immensely.
Your father is correct to be concerned about your obsession with horror movies and serial killers. You should avoid anything that is reinforcing unhealthy, concerning thoughts and behaviors. Ask your father if he can assist you in finding a mental health professional in the community.
If you feel that you cannot control your behavior, then you should immediately go to the emergency room. You can also call the local crisis center. Trained mental health professionals can come to your home, evaluate your symptoms and recommend the appropriate course of treatment. Please take care.
Dr. Kristina Randle