Doctor, I’m lost. When I was three years old I told my mother I was responsible for her father’s death (died of a heart attack when I was 2 months old). Over the years I’ve had issues, first insomnia when I was seven (couldn’t stop thinking of the homeless sleeping under the rain). Always rebellious in school, I was diagnosed hyperactive and given ritalin when I was 10. I was later “disdiagnosed”. I often refused to go seek therapy because I thought “I’m not crazy”. I was in boarding school from 13-18, I was beaten up pretty badly when I was in my first year there because I disrespected the upper years. I had a couple of crushes throughout my life, none of which worked out or really mattered until a girl called Anna, my first love. She smashed my heart and got a boyfriend but I didn’t give up leading to further pain and pushed me to drink a lot. I started smoking weed when I was 16, it started with a gram/week but gradually built up to 10g/week (4months ago). Recently, 1 month and a half ago, a friend fell in a psychosis, came out to me. I told him I was straight but respected his way. He asked me to teach him how to live, and tried to kiss me twice. I was so scared that night, locked myself in my room scared he’d come rape me. For the following weeks I asked myself whether I might be gay and hadn’t realized. It didn’t bother me until one night after I hit a rough patch with a girl I love, and a friend said he thought I was gay as we were smoking. Henceforth I was convinced I was, for 3 weeks I kept smoking (5g/day by the end) thinking it would make it stop. When I got back to Paris I saw 2addiction experts and one psychiatrist, the first two said it was a bad trip and would pass with some time and antipsychotics. The second said it was anxiety related and triggered by weed-abuse.I then decided to get hospitalized and they said it was acute psychosis, sign of bipolarity or schizophrenia and that I could never drink or touch any drug again. I’m unsure of who to believe or what’s going on. I now know I’m straight but I now fear I’m suffering from the aforementioned illnesses. (From Paris)
First things first. That much weed is going to cloud your mind to the point where figuring out what is going on is too difficult for you or a professional to do. I would highly recommend dealing with the significant pot use first. If you are using it to self-medicate your emotional pain I would first work to with a professional to cut back on the weed, and then get to the problem’s source.
Wishing you patience and peace,