For some years I have know to be a little different from the others. I have very little emotions compared to others. I do not comprehend others, nor their problems or pain. I do not care for that. And yet I still have that 24/7 tic in my head that tells me to end them. I visualise killing them and I enjoy it. Yet I understand that taking real actions would only slow me down in achieving certain goals. I’m good at hiding as everyone perceives me to be a charming, responsible and normal guy. (this information is just context) Now, It set me to think that this may not be how everyone else thinks and feels. Psychopathy came to mind and I did some research. I came across the psychopathy checklist (PCL-R) and found that I had a 33/40 score. Of course I’m not a professional so I would like an expert’s opinion on this case.
You scored high on the PCL-R and that may or may not have given you an accurate assessment of your level of psychopathy. The creator of the checklist, Dr. Robert Hare, cautions its use by nonprofessionals. He believes that only professionals who are familiar with the empirical psychopathy literature and who receive explicit training in assessment, specifically with the PCL-R, can administer and or read the test results.
The key concern are your fantasies about killing and that you think you would enjoy it. It is an outside-the-norm fantasy. Most people do not think about killing. They don’t visualize it nor think they would enjoy it. For most people, it simply doesn’t cross their mind.
Consider your score on The Psychopathy Checklist (PCL-R) as one piece of the puzzle. To learn more, consider therapy to gain a deeper understanding of your mindset. A therapist could determine if psychopathy is present and assist you in maintaining control over your behavior.
It’s important that you take whatever precautions necessary to ensure that you never carry out your fantasy. Murder would destroy the lives of your victims and their families but it would also destroy your life. To say that it would “slow down your achievement of certain goals” is an understatement. You would very likely be incarcerated for the rest of your life or face execution. Your life would effectively be over. Please take care.
Dr. Kristina Randle