As long as I can remember, negative thoughts have seemed to take control of my mind completely. I never see myself living a happy or even peaceful life, I always imagine my parents, siblings and friends turning against me. I often think of skipping my home, family, studies and move to a different country where no one knows me. I know this seems like the thoughts of an average teenager but my imagination goes beyond this. Since I would hate to see my parents hurt, especially because of me, it is a constant thought in my mind that if my parents were dead I would do this and that. Sometimes in the past I have always thought of killing them my self.
I do not wish my parents dead because they ever hurt me physically or emotionally, they have been role models for every other parents.
Sometimes I imagine one of my parent dying and then me having to take care of the rest of my family. when i have to do this, i leave without thinking of brother or sister.
My attitude is always cold and I act as if im indifferent to my surroundings although a lot of things have an effect on me.
My sister has said things like “I hate you, I wish you were never born” in the past, and it just makes me think that the world really would be a better place without me.
I have sexual thoughts in my mind, but being a Muslim i cant fulfill them until I am married. Sexual pleasure in my mind means getting raped, even. its something i cant explain but it is there, i feel like i want to hurt myself all the time.
I have never talked about my emotions, or my thoughts with anyone. I was bullied as a child and have always had family problems. I dont understand what i should do, i cant go to a therapist and explain properly since i dont have money and i dont want to tell my parents about my life.
I’m not certain of your exact question so I will provide general advice. Your thoughts could be characterized as negative and fearful. It would suggest that you are unhappy. It’s common for teenagers to feel the way you have described.
You mentioned not having spoken to anyone about these issues and that is a mistake. It could be part of the problem. If you had, you would probably feel less overwhelmed.
Most teenagers would not want to have this type of talk with their parents but it may still be necessary.
Journaling might help. Research shows this to be a good way to organize your thoughts. It helps to clarify your thinking and it can be psychologically beneficial.
Journaling is good but it should not take the place of counseling. Counseling is the ideal solution to this problem. Many teenagers make assumptions about their parents and don’t give them a chance to help. You could tell them you want help without having to reveal too many details about what’s wrong. Give your parents a chance to help. Their reaction might surprise you. Thanks for your question. Please take care.
Dr. Kristina Randle